At appointment last week. They were happy for Rex to wonder in the room as we talked for over an hour but after 26mins of restlessness he was settled & so well behaved :) 

It all cost money

 Here is our fund raising link please check it out and even if you cant donate maybe share it around . Thank you 

www.youcaring.com%2Frextheassitancedog

English Pointer

Yes He is a pure bred dog ....

We often get asked what breed Rex is and many people do not know of English Pointers. Known in America just as Pointers. Some even asking if I mean he is one of those designer breeds - ENGLISH something cross with a GERMAN SHORTHAIR POINTER .

English Pointers  are part of the pointer family not very common in Australia like the German Shorthaired Pointer, there is also Italian Pointer, Portuguese Pointer, French Pointers, etc.

At maturity the English pointer is larger than a German shorthaired pointer. One big difference between these breeds is shedding -- the English pointer sheds only lightly, but the GSP is a moderate to heavy shedder

The exact origin of the Pointer is not entirely clear: whether they originate from Spanish Pointers or from Continental Pointers is uncertain. What is certain is that English Pointers date back to the 1600's, a native breed to the British Isles, being used to 'point' game out to hunters. These early dogs worked with Greyhounds in hare-coursing, the Pointers being used to point out hares for the Greyhounds to seize. In the early 1700's, wing shooting came into fashion and this was when their true skills became apparent. To this day, Pointers are exceptional hunting dogs.

The English Pointer was recognized by the AKC in 1884 and AKC approved in 1975.

The English Pointer Dog Breed has a personality and temperament that is energetic and sweet.  This breed requires plenty of socialization to develop its naturally even temperament, and they only require a minimal amount of training.

Horses of course

So what's on the list for this week? Horses of course
 
Rex meet his first horse😊 after a shy first reaction & a lot of cuddles from me he was sniffing a big hairy nose
After a few pats I let him down on the ground and the horse just didn't seem to care but yet wanted to jump around barking to try and make the horse play with him. 
Thanks to the ladies at Riding with the Disabled who kindly let their two horses come have a pat & meet Rex . 

  

Lot of weight on little furry shoulders

Do you know the different types of Service dogs aka Assistance dogs we have in Australia?
Well we do now. As a family with a young child with autism we have decided after many months of research, talking, meetings, learning and more talking to get an Assistance Dog for our son.

This means many choices were to be made. Like if we where going to pay the $30,000 to pay a 'ready made Assistance Dog' which is bred, trained and then with the organizations help induced to our family & our son.
or
Buy a dog of any age and train it at home with us. With the help of trainers, courses and classes as many or as little as we wanted.
We chose the 2nd , as we wanted a young dog not a dog from a recuse that we could not be sure about its past and any triggers or bad habits it may have which may harm our child or other animals in our home.
So here we are a week away from picking up our English Pointer pup .

As my research has taught me, its a hard long journey but with many rewards.
It costs a lot of money & time to owner train as they call it.
I understand now when people with disability's get so upset or offended when something happens or is said to degrade the importance of an Assistance Dog.

There Assistance dogs, Service dogs, Guide dogs, Hearing /vision dogs ALL are equal in the eyes of Australian Law. Even a dog in train to become any of the above has the same rights.

It is illegal to discriminate against or refuse entry to a person with an Assistance Dog and anyone who does so can be prosecuted. Any entry fee must not be charged to an animal that is an assistance animal.

This is our little boy and wow dose he have a big future ahead of him . k 

Book Week

How did everyone's BOOK WEEK go?
Here is my son who done better then last year dressed as a pirate. Its a different kind of emotional parent roller-coaster isn't it?
Will they want to dress up? Will they change their minds? or try to fight past the anxiety & overloaded sensory disorder because of peer expectations? Will the clothes feel comfortable or will the tags feel like razers on their skin?
As I said my son did well & even though we had to stand out of the play ground until the bell rang ( the play ground was too noisy full of excited kids ) he enjoyed himself he said later that day before the meltdown of screaming, crying, shaking and wanting all the noises in the world to STOP hurting him, happened that night .
But he was my little Pirate and he was part of his school Book Week that's what makes us smile :) k

Taking a breather

Here is my son feeding duck on the side of a river .
We had such a nice time just sitting, well I sat with a coffee and he run, jumped, walked, hopped, sat then ran again .
We had his big sister with us and it was a nice day out.
We took the short drive ( with his ipad for company in the back seat of course) to a small county town where the bird show was on.
Even though I prepared him for all the noise & people, holding his hand and having ear muffs on he was overloaded by about 20mins.
Which I think is good, he did so well and I told him so.
After that we went to a café & got take away then found this lovely park along a river.
Its here sitting watching him that I realised how much we all needed this today .
I have started my own business and have jumped into being a working mum of around 22 hours a week most being early mornings where I don't see my son until he gets home from school when his dad picks him up for us.
Its been a lot to handle for all of us but we are doing well .
                           I Just need to remember to make more days for in the park  :) k

Assistance Dogs for ASD kids

Do you have an AD? that's short for Assistance Dog better know in America as Service Dogs.

Assistance Dogs can perform a range of tasks for people living with disabilities, an Assistance Dog is not only man’s best friend but a lifeline for many people & their families.
Every Assistance Dog undergoes tailored training to meet the individual needs of their new owner. They support people living with physical disabilities, autism, post-traumatic stress and dementia, as well as schools and care facilities.
I have been learning so much about this since becoming friends online with a lady who is self-training a dog to become her sons AD.
Its such a long & sometime hard journey when self-training, with help Providers & trainers a dog can grow up or be adopted into a family for the purpose of becoming an Assistance Dog for one of the family members.
In this ladies case she is training the dog for her son who is age 10. He helps and learns as they go so he will know more about this dog who will become his best friend then anyone else in the world.
I see photos and update on facebook about them and it seems so wonderful.

So I found myself asking why an Assistance Dog?
What would we need one for?   How would my son's life better from having an AD and not just a well trained family pet? I came to the conclusion that it would have a place in this family, an AD wold improve my sons life very much so and in turn improve our whole family.
This is Sandy she is our 10 yr old Dane with our son.
Never really trained more then sit, heal this dog in her old age she has became the perfect calm company our son has responded too. Sandy is the reason we came to the final decision of an AD as we could see the prospects ( yes she was watched as to not eat the sand which she wouldn't do anyway) 
Everywhere I look I can see how an assistance dog could be there, working and supporting our son.
As a family we put in applications & paperwork to try and get support & sponsors for help with the big journey of training a dog and you know what? Every time I have to fill out a piece of paper or online form about the reasons why we wanted to do this it was so easy, so easy to have the reasons just flow out and that has to mean something doesn't it? I think so :)
So we wait for the red tape to be sorted but please stay tuned for updates

Sandy dog helping play 

Home sick

 So do you have a 'home town' ?

Is it different to your children's hometown ?

Some of us may still be living in the town we grew up in or have moved away during our younger years when we wanted to see the world, work & travel but had this weird nack of ending up back in our home town.

Me & my friends when we where in our 20s use to have the joke that " They always end up back, its like a black hole that sucks you back in lol" of course we loved our town Goulburn but to us we had this feeling of never getting out, never going anywhere else like all the famous people seem to do.

So we made jokes and nicknames stating we hated our town, but we really knew we felt at home, at peace there and that's why we hadn't left yet.

A lot of us did leave, had families and careers. Some came back some didn't.

I'm one who didn't. My best friend is one that stayed. I'd like to thank her for these lovely photos too  

That connection I still have with my town has this warm spot in my heart. I still get homesick sometimes, Like a kid away at school camp. 

When I see news about good changes happening in Goulburn I think wow that would be good for the kids as compared to our small and unchanging country town we live in now. And I see some not so good events like floods happening and I feel the townspeople's pain. 

See this Goulburn is my home town but my children don't remember it. 

They didn't grow up running around the park or going to the movies with friends 

The town we are in now and have been for years is their home town. Its not the same as mine and that makes me a bit sad. But to them they couldn't think of living anywhere else, well not yet anyway. 

I wonder will they joke about this town? Will they move away and come back? So talk about your home town and make sure your children know and feel the specialness of a Hometown.          :) k

It's been a long week

After a long week with sports days, horse riding kindly provided by Riding Disabled, class  exscrison , an award at assembly and a  switch around of teachers I can tell you it wasn't easy. Parents of kids on the spectrum will understand how full on walk on egg shells my week has been. My little man had done well.
A couple of hours spent in the local gardens feeding ducks was just what he needed, no playing kids or footy games just older people walking around minding their own business 😊
Quiet time is a must in our sons life, he may think he doesn't need it or want it instead saying he wants to play the Xbox more but it's my job to care for my children ,to work out what they need and then work out how to provide it to them.
Then they will change and we have to do it all I really again just to keep us parents on our toes.

The good old trick of telling him I need to take photos of the trees for my collect is a Classic excuse to come here to the garden.
Where he has ran, walked, rolled and sat . The old dog is trying to keep up and I'm sipping my coffee. So I hope you find a way of getting out & enjoying some quiet this weekend x

I'll leave you the last piece of cake

Do you ever wonder if your partner knows about all the little things you do for them?
And yelling them out in the middle of a fight that strayed over his mother coming for dinner unannounced does not count .
As a mother I am very practiced at putting another human being first, it's something that comes over us when we first hold our new born babies .
We will always give them the best foood, drink, clothing we can and we will always give them the last clean towel or drink of juice. That's just the way motherhood is but is some form or another a wife is like this too.
We do things for our husband, we care for them too. And in some fairytale marriages we see looking for the outside in seem to work well as both partners care and serve the other .
Sometimes it's a bit more one sided .
Once I had this blog idea come to me I just couldn't stop seeing all the things I do for my husband.
Now I'm not saying I hate doing them, truth be told i kind of like caring for him sometimes but I now see how one sided it has become.
Do you leave the last can of drink in the fridge for him? Or maybe leave him the last couple of tomatos knowing he likes tomato sandwiches? I do.
When I have a shower and see there is the big fluffy towel and a smaller old one only left I leave the bigger fluffy one for him.
And when his been on the computer all night & has left the lid off his favourite drink bottle I close it.
If I am in the shops getting myself something for work lunch I make sure I look for something yummy to bring home to him too.
And of course the classic clothes on the floor situation, when even know he put that shirt on the floor he will want to wear it tomorrow so I the cleaning fairy comes along to wash , dry and fold it for him.
That cleaning fairy does all his clothes, dishes and house cleaning you know 😜
When planning what to cook for dinners all week at least half are foods he likes
And
Yes I leave him the last piece of cake too.
It's when this started spinning around in my head that i think it can get dangerous.
How do I feel about all that I do for him? And the question that comes to my mind after that is What does he do for me? The answers to these two questions can be happiness or sadness .

          Thanks for reading and I hope it finds you well. K

Camping fun

Camping we will go

So as a mum of two in her 30s I decided to jump into the world of camping.

Yep I asked online and done some reading but unless you had money to buy everything at once I was left with a 2nd hand tent & Kmart blow up mattresses .

Some people said to me online that all you need is to just relax and go with it some said plan everything & ask others for help. 

Well I relaxed and I planned  ..... it still didn't go to plan. 

I was the only one who stayed to sleep both nights.

My husband wasn't Intersted from the start so I took the bull by the horns so to speak and marched off on my own with two kids . 

Well we got there and realised I had forgotten the tent poles and pegs - husband to the rescue. 

Then we couldn't remember how to put up our 2nd hand tent we had only used once before so by the time it was dark we had got the tent up in time for me to collapse in it.

Then the teenager wanted to leave with her father because there was no internet & she missed her boyfriend. I was over her sulking by this time & let her drive away with her father to go home to a internet connection. The next night my son wasn't feel well with a cold so dad to recues again came & picked him up. The teenager stayed with me instead (I'm guessing after having a talking to by her father)

So two night camping with the kids ended up differently then the picture perfect tv add looking holiday I seen in my head last week.

This left me felling like I had fail. My ideal camping holiday was a half made tent with little food and a blow up mattress I had to blow up twice 

But my 7 year old surprisingly loved the idea. His sensory processing disorder was at peace here . He wondered around the camp site in the morning when it was just me & him, just taking in the peaceful bush. 

I was calm as I didn't have to worry about what people where thinking of me and my autistic son, why was he making those noises or why did he want to keep hitting that tree with that stick....

 We could just BE. I read some of a book for the first time in over a year .

The book by Constance Hall and one part spoke to me on page fifty ~ 

'Queens don't fail at anything,they learn lessons and they change their minds'

I realised I had been looking at this wrong . I havnt failed camping .

I had found out how to better do it next time. I had given my son some space and I in return  got some also.

I had learn we need to check everything before living and to buy a bigger esky and pack more food the list goes on .....
So yes I went camping.
I will do it again
and I may also change my mind :) 

Are you making an adult?

I am making an adult, are you? if you have a child from ages 13 onwards then yes you are.

I think sometimes with the whirl winded of work, schooling, sports, partners, hobbies we forget that these little people that are not babies or toddles anymore and not even kids anymore are going to be the next adults in our community.
We work so hard to keep them healthy when their babies, to bring them up right with manners and strong beliefs. We get them ready for school then we keep them in school. Its all one big long event isn't it.
So we could be forgiven if we take a breath and sit down for a while when they start doing things for themselves . When they start knowing what they want and are ready to go get it.
Yer sure we still make sure they have manners and good belief system but really we become the nagging voice in the background don't we mum & dad?

I was recently reminded about the different kinds of parents out there. Parents of teenagers I mean especially. You have the very relaxed, the very strict, the My kid woldnt do that ones, the ones who act more like teenagers then the children do & many more types I'm sure. I am the first one to hold my hand up and say I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm not saying I have it worked out. I like many parents has said those words " they have changed. their just not like they use to be i'm worried"
I only recently released what MY problem was.
Of course my teenager has changed. She is not a kid anymore but becoming an adult. How can I expect her to be the same.
She is not the same as she was when she was in kindy. She is not the same as when she was in year 5.
Why do we as parent start worrying when our teenagers change, instead just see it for what it is.
Most of the generally parenting problems you will have with teenagers all comes from a basic human response to their age - growing from child to adult - but being stuck in the middle of that change.
They want to push boundaries, they want to jump before looking because all they can think about is the place they want to land.... 
I am going to make one thing clear; some teenagers need help, the signs are very different and I mean not to say that your teenager is 'just fine' because if you think they need help go get it for them.
I want to type this blog from a place of an average family with no abuse, hardship, bullying , self esteem issues beyond the normal. ok. AND even that does not guarantee a teenager will not need professional help.
So anyway my point is that remember we are making adults, these teenagers that drive us nuts are going to be workers, parents, drivers, carers, club members even may be in a high place of responsibility one day.
I really didn't grow up until I was in my 20s so I know its a long journey and I don't expect my 14 year old to work every afternoon and go to school ,cook, clean and watch her brother every day like a grown up.
I understand she needs to have fun, relax and socialise because this is also the way she forms who she is but we as parents have to be there to hold up the boundaries because they can't. That part of their brain has not formed yet.
You can not let a young teenager online in this world free to rom the world wide web without limits.
You can not have them wonder around the street to do what ever they feel like doing .
There has to be a balance. Let them be who they think they want to be But also be there to rein them in when it looks like they need it  :)

About me

ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ : Why can these two words leave a grown adult looking into space in deep thought like they have been asked to solve the world's biggest problems? 
 

Have you ever had to fill out paperwork or a profile with this question in it? Have you been told that they don't want an answer that involves What you do for a living or how many children you have plus their ages. Now try to answer . Hmmmm 
So ᗯᕼO ᗩᖇE YOᑌ? 
If you ask a child this question most seem to jump right in with their name, age or school year, because that's what we as adults have made them learn BUT if you explain to them you want to know about them & what makes them Them you will get wonderful insight :) 
 You will get that one little boy likes pizza because it has lots of cheese which is his favourite food. And that he loves watching lego movies which he then imagines his toys coming to life and playing with him in his room later. It's simple things to him at the moment at a child's stage of life- and so it should be.
Where did we lose that? 
 We tell our children to be happy with who they are. Take the good parts with the bad parts of themselves & love themselves because we love them. As adults, as Parents we seem to not take our own pep talks. 
I am just recently learning about being ᗰE. 
And it's getting easier to answer this question.

                               äḅöüẗ ṃệ
I love nature & enjoy seeing new places.
I'm a caring person but can be guarded. 
I respect all living creatures & feel heartbreak when any animal even road kill comes along my path, as I know that animal has feelings. I've always wanted to grab a van & travel Australia as I feel I don't want to miss out on what was right at my back door before I'm to old. 
 There so what would you say.................?

I'll take the ordinary things dear Husband.😊

Are you the one at the park alone watching the kids play?
Or are you part of that couple i see, sitting there chatting watching their childern play at the swings?
I'm sitting on my own. Yes i have a husband but this is not 'his thing' , Don't get me wrong he is a great father & loves spending time with them. It's more fishing or 4WDing stuff that he likes to do.
And is good at talking the kids into doing those things instead of what they started to nag for like the riding bikes or going to the park ordinary stuff i call it. 🌳
I am the parent that does the ordinary things like playing on the swings, meeting for playdates, taking the remote control car for a run in the empty parking lot or like now sitting under a tree watching them ride their bikes around & around. 🚴🏻

Yes truth is, most the time I have to be guilted or dragged by the kids to do these Ordinary things but once out here I'm filled with gratitude ~ love~ happiness.❤
Seeing my children happy, growing up, doing ordinary things is wonderful and helps that they are a little worn out too. 
Getting out of the house, sitting here under this tree is so good for the soul.
Would I like my life partner to be here next to me Yes but I am ok being here on my own also. 
I have to be ok. 💞👶🏻
I'll take the ordinary things anyday dear husband. Anyday :)

I don't need a husband to fix that

So I've been out doing stuff around the yard.  Poisoning, cleaning the caked on crud from under my mower, re-potting water lilies.  All the while thinking about this theory of mine.  You don't have to agree, you don't have to comment, it's just my opinion.  Back in the old days man worked, woman stayed home and did housework, cared for children, sewed, cooked, whatever.  Man came home to cooked meal on the dinner table blah blah.  He did yard work on weekends etc etc.  Saved, bought a house with a picket fence and a brand new car. Now as times have changed we evolve and continue to evolve.  Men AND women work.  Houses are too expensive.  Kids are too expensive.  Everything's too expensive.  Everyone works and gets nowhere.  Suddenly families don't work anymore.  Men still work but they don't come home to home cooked meals anymore.  They come home to tired cranky wives and screaming children.  The men aren't happy the wives aren't happy the children aren't happy.  The wife asks the man 30 times to take out the garbage before getting fed up and doing it herself. He calls it nagging.  She realises that if she's going to do everything herself why does she need him? The marriage breaks up.  The woman takes everything (or so he says) including the kids. And she manages to do everything on her own and in fact she's still doing everything she was doing before but feels like one less kid to look after and nag.  Man feels un-needed, un-wanted. Woman feels liberated and swears to never rely on man again.  Very sad. And I don't really get why men like to feel needed.  Like you need them around to do stuff (even though when you ask them to do stuff they never do! Hence the nagging!) If I want a guy around its because I WANT him around not because I need him to do stuff for me.  I can do all my own stuff thank you (and thanks google for all the stuff I don't know how to do haha) But yeah I'm one of those independent chicks because well every time I've relied on some one they've let me down.  So I rely on myself, best decision ever. I don't wanna feel like I'm helpless and useless. I got me.  Not to say that if a guy wants to help I wouldn't let him.  He just better know that I won't beg his ass to stick around if things go sour. I'll just get on with things without him.
PS Before you scream feminist I don't really see myself as a feminist.  I am who I am because of what I have experienced.

Do you have a secret life ?

Do you have a secret life? Do you have a part of your life that not many people know about?
Would your husband know, would the other mums at high school fundraiser know?
I think all of us want to have a secret life that goes along side of our normal life. Like being superman or maybe cat women
Even if not in reality we do in our daydreams.
Have'nt you sat there at traffic lights daydreaming about a holiday on your own or  you drive past this young women carefree riding a bike past you and think about what your life would be like if you took her place? It's all the same thing isn't it?  Day dreaming about a differant life or daydreaming about that man you seen yesturday & what your afternoon could be like with him.
Of yes we are going to go there, so if you are not up for a bit of sexy thinking or feel you cant handle weighing up the pros and cons about cheating on your partner maybe skip this blog post....

I know a couple of people who have either open marriages or have cheated on their partners. Everyone has a story and with that story comes many reasons why someone finds something in someone other then their partner (for this post husband)
I may not agree or understand some things these women do and i know I don't know what is going on in their marriages - relationship so why should i judge them?
Hearing about their lives and what i would call their stories is so interesting , it doesn't fill me with disgust or hate but understanding and sometimes sadness because it can be a dangerous game to play.
Game , wow did i just call cheating on your husband as a game ? Maybe that's not the right word but you hear it all the time don't you? Like tv shows and movies who make it seem so fun or thrilling but that is not always the case when peoples hearts are involved . When real people are involved.

Many say you can be married to the one you love but still find fun and thrill with someone you don't love.
 Some also say you can love two people at once. What do you think? Maybe its safer to keep it all as a day dream


So would you know if the lady next to you that you have chatted with often is having an affair? Would she know if you where?  One of the ladies i mentioned above lives a secret life, you wouldn't know by looking at her. It looks like she is happily marriages and is a happy confident woman. Which she will tell you she is & all became true once she found a man that made her feel wanted & happy, the thing is that man is not her husband.
Now i wish i could tell you his a horrible man who treats her like a dog but this is not the case. She will tell you he is a loving husband & great Father. Works hard while providing or his family. She loves him and they have a mostly normal marriage, the problem she will say is that it is too normal
And i get that. I understand that as i too have that feeling of a normal marriage sometimes umm only sometimes as my husband has Asperger so normal doesn't always stay for long.

Anyway so she has this normal marriage right, he works nights then comes home puts his clothes in the washing machine and goes to bed. Next she gets up gets the kids to school and goes to do some shopping or visit family. She cleans the house as her husband doesn't do any of that but what male really does? She works part time which she likes and where she became friends with a man .
For a women who has no male friends i do understand what she talks about when she tells us other women who will listen & not judge her, its different when you have a friend who is a man when you have been marriage so long in which all males around you are either gay or married to a friend.
Having a male as a friend can be wonderful I have heard and i am not saying you can not be friends with the opposite sex but for married women we don't get many single straight men wanting to be friends
Oh and this is not good example of that as these two became more the just friends. So hearing how he makes her feel, well it just takes my breath away & I feel a bit on the naughty side just hearing her talk about the affair that I can see how someone can get carried away down that path.
He makes her feel wanted that's what her first words were. Wanted. I guess every woman wants to be wanted. This is a a few words from her; Quotes by permission
` he listens to me like really hears what i am saying and we can talk, like real adults just talk together. Thats worth more then anything else we do together. Really if we had to stop all our physical connections sure i would miss that stuff but if we could still be friends and talk over a coffee that wouldnt be so bad. `.
`i can turn up to his place and he will greet me with a smile `how are you ?` a kiss on the lips a hand on the neck .Do you know how nice that feels? ` He wants to hear me talk, he wants to look up from his book and look me in the eye while I talk, why wouldnt I like that`
` when he ask if i want to spend time with him i know he really wants to, he really like seeing me and touching me. To have a man stop everything seek me out and plan something to do with me is wonderful`
`its not just sex because really i would be happy with kissing and hugging, the feeling of an arm around me is wonderful but i do know he wants the sex . At my age sex is not hot & heavy like the tv shows but it is enjoyable mostly because of the thrill the naughty passion that over takes your emotions that makes your skin shutter `
` i dont love this man and i dont like everything about him as im sure he doesn't like everything about me. He does not have to. We both have needs and we both talked about this which is another thing i get from this affair funny that isn't it?   Even talking about the situation is a good thing which by the way we only done once to set some ground rules as we are both practical people `
`my marriage is good.It is normal with normal fights over money or him not helping out around the house and i do love him . And i am the first to admit yes what  i am getting from another man is what i should be getting from my husband. Maybe after 20 years of marriage i have given up with thinking he will change or that we can change. Why not just go find it myself and then come home happy to my husband? I am a better wife and better woman when i am happy......... this is what makes me happy. For now anyway`
So do you hate this woman? Or do you understand her?
I understand her maybe because i want to feel better then her because i know i have those day dreams but have not acted on them or maybe because i want to act on them and live a secret life but dont have the balls to do it. Am I worried that any or all of the 3 hearts involved in this will get hurt , yes.
I keep thinking about what if my husband found out how much it would hurt him . I asked her this question and all she could say is that she try's not to think about it and she is doing the best she can with her life that she can at the moment.
And you know what maybe thats all any of us are doing, the best we can at the moment .
:)  

I'm a mum without a village are you?

The phrase “It takes a village” Have you heard that before?
Its a proverb exists in different forms in many African languages.

                               'It takes a whole village to raise a child. '

 The basic meaning is that child's upbringing is a communal effort. The responsibility for raising a child is shared with the larger family (sometimes called the extended family). Everyone in the family participates especially the older children, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and even cousins.
 I know what it means, I've just never had it for my children.
I've seen many movies and TV shows that would make me wish I lived inside the TV. All the big family parties, dinners around a large table with all the babies playing together. Cousins, siblings & friends.
I know what my child is missing because I had that. 30 years ago things where different I think its safe to say families where different.
We had no devices, kids looked up from the TV,  we all had families with a couple of kids early on in our lives so the family dynamics where different to now. I grew up with big family BBQs and running around playing with my cousins even know we lived hours away from them I seen them often.
Another saying that comes to mind is
                                  ' You don't know what you got until its gone'
I miss what my family use to be like but now we all live hours away from each other, the great grandparents are gone and I am the only one in my family who has young children as all my cousins had children before me they are now teenagers plus.
The "village" is your support network. It doesn't have to be family but its people in your life that help, care for you & your child. It's another family who are willing to have your kid over for an afternoon who see that your child needs dinner before going home so just does it.
 It's a friend who comes over for a cuppa only to end up washing your dishes while you have a shower & watch bub.  It's someone you can confide, share your worries with and you don't feel judged. It's people you can count on to answer the phone in the middle of the night because you someone to watch your child while you take the other to the hospital . That's your village.
I have with both my children ended up in tears sitting on the floor wondering where my village was :(
In those first years of motherhood life can be scary, I can see how a village would help.
 I have many times heard mothers talk about how over worked they are, that they don't get time with their husband, how they don't get to go out & do anything to relax..... and I start to relate to them. Talk a little about how its hard being a parent and then the classic bombshell comes out of their mouth "yer my parents only have them once a fortnight" or the " if it wasn't for my sister having them after school I don't know what I would do'  are you kidding me??
 I just smile & let them continue, there is no point in trying to get them to see my point of view they don't get it They have a village, they wont understand.
I tried once to bring it up with a mum at playgroup, she acted all caring but didn't get it you could tell. She was planning her 4th child & I could see how having a 4th didn't worry her because she was going to get meals brought over by loved ones, friends family coming over to help clean or watch bub, friends who can have the other children while she went shopping, if she is sick her husbands parents can have the kids when hubby is at work plus her husband is a good help around the house - lets not get me started on my loving but bad housekeeping husband. Of course she can have lots of kids she has a village.
 

Me & my husband have gone 12 months without being together without at least one child with us. 

We would each go outside of the house separate while the other has the kids but never in that 12months and again off and on over the last 14 years have we been out just him & me no children.  

I couldn't even imagine two nights away without children, maybe my heart couldn't handle it anyway.  

I admit, I want to slap that mum who tells me life is hard with only a handful of people in her life who she can ask for help.
My first child I was young , had lots of childless friends, no family in town & my husband family didn't want to offer much help so I know what I am talking about.
 Same again with 2nd child .My husband and I had just moved to a new state and didn't have many friends. We didn't have a village; we were on our own.
Both times we where enough for each other. It made us have to be ok. There was no other choice.  

                                  To the mum's who are like me without a village :

• I know what it's like to wish you could just call someone over to watch the baby while you take a shower but have no one.
• I know what it's like being the first in your friend group to have a baby, no one understand & your lives go in different directions. It becomes hard work to keep them.
• I know you feel lonely and isolated.
• I know what it's like to never be able to go to the movies in the first two weeks of its release or ever!
• I know what its like to see 'romantic holidays for two' and think 'who'd watch the kids'?
• I know that even an occasional babysitter cost money, money that you may not have & its just  seems not worth it.  
• I know you might have family members who would help out if you made them but you don't because its not right, they are aged or live to far away. 

In time, we have made a few friends but not ones we would ask to have our children, we have settled into our community & our children are school age now so they are starting to have their own friends & social life, which in turn gives us some more time & space. That is the order of things when you get older and your children get older but we intend to have another child soon so we will be back,doing it all over again . I know crazy right !!

Not having a village has made me a good parent. Not that I am saying having a village makes you a bad one or even not as good a parent.
I just know for me I can now see what it has taught ME and how it has made me a good parent aswell as my husband.  I know about loneliness in motherhood. I learned that not all mums I met i could be friends with, also learning to keep trying to contact because one will come along who can be my friend.
I learnt that making friends when your old is hard work. But that I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. I learnt I can be enough parent for my children. I learnt to trust my own mother instinct, because when your stuck at home with a cry toddler - husband at work - you have to trust you know your child and whisper to yourself ' I can do this' because no one else is around to tell you.

Ultimately, it makes you think twice about having another child. Its hard lonely work. I had to wait and make sure I was ready because I know its just me who needs to be complete willing to take it on myself first and foremost as my husband is a great dad but it has and always will be me the main care giver. That's just how our marriage works & to think it will change is doing both of us a injustice ??

So no I don't have a village but I am ok with that ... mostly :)

teenagers need this

I just had a few words with the leader of the church I use to go to, about the youth group they where running but cancelled - now have started it back up again.
I don't go to that church anymore. I love God and pray every day. I am the only believer in my house.
It is hard for me to go to church on my own, for me church can be lonely.
But I also do not think like a lot of the people in churches. call me a half arsed Christian maybe but I don't care.
I look past peoples faults, their sins, be it gay or worshiping a goddess I will still sit at a table with you & become your best friend. I will never ask you to believe in God. I will never try to get you into church. I hate how people in churches can become snobs. They can be so out of touch with the real world and I believe churches should be out there helping and reaching the community .... Though seeing what someone (or a church ) does & acts like towards others; people may be able to find the Lord themselves.
I told one of the people at the church that had this youth group on Friday nights I felt it was wrong months ago when they cancelled the fun Friday nights youth group into a quiet bible study dinner that it seemed like they had given up on the youth in town.
Of course theses younger non believers wouldn't go to a bible study , that's not cool.
I know of 4 girls aged 13-15 that wouldn't go and now have no connection to the Lord. And I was shrugged off with some reason of no numbers high enough to have it run every week and so it changed & for the last couple of months only a couple of already Christian youth went to a dinner once a week. while the other teenagers had nothing to do with any church- one lost her mother & is now smoking & lost , another is sneaking out her window to be with an older boy, another is sexting and you cant tell me these kids don't need Jesus.
Yes they have parents or family but obviously have hard lives where if they had church youth leaders to talk to- to see once a week - where they could be off the streets and into a safe environment surly that is a good thing , right?
Its not just that my daughter was one of the ones who missed out but that I see once again another church only caring for its own.
Only care for the faithful, the believer, the poor children overseas.
I was told by others when I posted in a church forum

 ' we had a youth group but it ended up just a drop off for some kids , they didn't really want to be there and started causing trouble '  Umm well ok their not youth workers I get that but just ask them to leave until they want to act by the rules of the church. I don't see a problem with that do you ?
one women posted this -   It sounds like the other kids were only interested in the fun. Not the God bit. You dont want to trick people into God by telling them its fun because ultimatelt thats not what Jesus or the bible say about a belief in God. A small group will disciple the kids who love God to then be able to talk to and invite their friends
 And you know what a lot in the church think like that. Why not just put all your effort into 1 or 2 kids that you know will be come believers, then get them to bring in others and invite their friends to become believers . You know what the problem with that is? teenagers are group, pack animals and I am guessing that those 1 or 2 kids are not in any groups like the girls I listed above. they properly pick on those 1 or 2 teenagers. so their not going to get to church by an invite. 
They will go to church for a free meal, something to do on a Friday night, the promise of games or a bus trip to get take away. 
Its not tricking them, its not lairing. Teenagers are not dumb . They know its a church they know they will be asked to pray before a meal. 
And they will hear the prayers, they will see the caring leaders look past their faults and  weirdness they feel when people talk openly about God Because they have never heard people talk about the Lord like that .
Because its a whole new world for some of them, and they just want a way of sneaking in. The church is not tricking them its giving them an opening .They will take it but they may not want the rest of their friends thinking they are becoming a nun lol


I am not saying that this church youth group didn't have a real reason for stopping the youth group nights. They may not have the money or the leaders willing to help out .
I have asked before if I could help out but because I am not a regularly church going I was pushed off nicely - see another snob move . Now you see why I write what I do?
The actions is what people see. Its what I see and its what the teenagers see.
Lets make sure they see churches caring about then even if they are not a believer.  

To my Dear Daughter

I’ll teach you to clean so one day you’ll see, how incredible the feeling of accomplishment can be.
I’ll teach you good eating so one day you’ll feel, how strength and good health can be found in a meal.
I’ll teach you moderation so one day you won’t, know the pain from eating a whole cake, please, just please don’t!
I’ll teach you kindness so one day you’ll find, how lovely it is to be reciprocated in kind.
I’ll teach you self-worth so one day you’ll stand, and lift up your chin, while holding out your hand.
I’ll teach you to relax, but not just laze around, the world is so wide – possibilities abound!
I’ll teach you courage so one day you’ll say, just because it is, doesn’t mean it should be that way.
I’ll teach you to love so one day you’ll hold, your husbands gaze warmly, and see your lives unfold.
I’ll teach you morals so one day you’ll inspire, a new world of lives and fill their hearts with great fire.
I’ll teach you respect so one day you’ll know, how people acknowledge you, and help you to grow.
I’ll teach you humility so one day you’ll watch, and recognize those the same, those you can trust.
I’ll wish that I could teach you everything in the world, from skydiving, to French, to discovering pearls.
But I know you’re all grown now, your wings taken flight, the last thing you want is for me to teach you tonight.

So I’ll teach you one more, just one last thing, it’s the love that I have for you - That will always make my heart sing. 😘