So I've been out doing stuff around the yard. Poisoning, cleaning the caked on crud from under my mower, re-potting water lilies. All the while thinking about this theory of mine. You don't have to agree, you don't have to comment, it's just my opinion. Back in the old days man worked, woman stayed home and did housework, cared for children, sewed, cooked, whatever. Man came home to cooked meal on the dinner table blah blah. He did yard work on weekends etc etc. Saved, bought a house with a picket fence and a brand new car. Now as times have changed we evolve and continue to evolve. Men AND women work. Houses are too expensive. Kids are too expensive. Everything's too expensive. Everyone works and gets nowhere. Suddenly families don't work anymore. Men still work but they don't come home to home cooked meals anymore. They come home to tired cranky wives and screaming children. The men aren't happy the wives aren't happy the children aren't happy. The wife asks the man 30 times to take out the garbage before getting fed up and doing it herself. He calls it nagging. She realises that if she's going to do everything herself why does she need him? The marriage breaks up. The woman takes everything (or so he says) including the kids. And she manages to do everything on her own and in fact she's still doing everything she was doing before but feels like one less kid to look after and nag. Man feels un-needed, un-wanted. Woman feels liberated and swears to never rely on man again. Very sad. And I don't really get why men like to feel needed. Like you need them around to do stuff (even though when you ask them to do stuff they never do! Hence the nagging!) If I want a guy around its because I WANT him around not because I need him to do stuff for me. I can do all my own stuff thank you (and thanks google for all the stuff I don't know how to do haha) But yeah I'm one of those independent chicks because well every time I've relied on some one they've let me down. So I rely on myself, best decision ever. I don't wanna feel like I'm helpless and useless. I got me. Not to say that if a guy wants to help I wouldn't let him. He just better know that I won't beg his ass to stick around if things go sour. I'll just get on with things without him.
PS Before you scream feminist I don't really see myself as a feminist. I am who I am because of what I have experienced.
This is my page about living life as a woman, an ASD parent & a mother. I live in Australia & One of my children is autistic &I also have a teenager life is such a beautiful journey i thought why not share (some may say vent) a little .
Wednesday, 5 October 2016
Friday, 30 September 2016
Do you have a secret life ?
Do you have a secret life? Do you have a part of your life that not many people know about?
Would your husband know, would the other mums at high school fundraiser know?
I think all of us want to have a secret life that goes along side of our normal life. Like being superman or maybe cat women
Even if not in reality we do in our daydreams.
Have'nt you sat there at traffic lights daydreaming about a holiday on your own or you drive past this young women carefree riding a bike past you and think about what your life would be like if you took her place? It's all the same thing isn't it? Day dreaming about a differant life or daydreaming about that man you seen yesturday & what your afternoon could be like with him.
Of yes we are going to go there, so if you are not up for a bit of sexy thinking or feel you cant handle weighing up the pros and cons about cheating on your partner maybe skip this blog post....
I know a couple of people who have either open marriages or have cheated on their partners. Everyone has a story and with that story comes many reasons why someone finds something in someone other then their partner (for this post husband)
I may not agree or understand some things these women do and i know I don't know what is going on in their marriages - relationship so why should i judge them?
Hearing about their lives and what i would call their stories is so interesting , it doesn't fill me with disgust or hate but understanding and sometimes sadness because it can be a dangerous game to play.
Game , wow did i just call cheating on your husband as a game ? Maybe that's not the right word but you hear it all the time don't you? Like tv shows and movies who make it seem so fun or thrilling but that is not always the case when peoples hearts are involved . When real people are involved.
Many say you can be married to the one you love but still find fun and thrill with someone you don't love.
Some also say you can love two people at once. What do you think? Maybe its safer to keep it all as a day dream
So would you know if the lady next to you that you have chatted with often is having an affair? Would she know if you where? One of the ladies i mentioned above lives a secret life, you wouldn't know by looking at her. It looks like she is happily marriages and is a happy confident woman. Which she will tell you she is & all became true once she found a man that made her feel wanted & happy, the thing is that man is not her husband.
Now i wish i could tell you his a horrible man who treats her like a dog but this is not the case. She will tell you he is a loving husband & great Father. Works hard while providing or his family. She loves him and they have a mostly normal marriage, the problem she will say is that it is too normal
And i get that. I understand that as i too have that feeling of a normal marriage sometimes umm only sometimes as my husband has Asperger so normal doesn't always stay for long.
Anyway so she has this normal marriage right, he works nights then comes home puts his clothes in the washing machine and goes to bed. Next she gets up gets the kids to school and goes to do some shopping or visit family. She cleans the house as her husband doesn't do any of that but what male really does? She works part time which she likes and where she became friends with a man .
For a women who has no male friends i do understand what she talks about when she tells us other women who will listen & not judge her, its different when you have a friend who is a man when you have been marriage so long in which all males around you are either gay or married to a friend.
Having a male as a friend can be wonderful I have heard and i am not saying you can not be friends with the opposite sex but for married women we don't get many single straight men wanting to be friends
Oh and this is not good example of that as these two became more the just friends. So hearing how he makes her feel, well it just takes my breath away & I feel a bit on the naughty side just hearing her talk about the affair that I can see how someone can get carried away down that path.
He makes her feel wanted that's what her first words were. Wanted. I guess every woman wants to be wanted. This is a a few words from her; Quotes by permission
` he listens to me like really hears what i am saying and we can talk, like real adults just talk together. Thats worth more then anything else we do together. Really if we had to stop all our physical connections sure i would miss that stuff but if we could still be friends and talk over a coffee that wouldnt be so bad. `.
`i can turn up to his place and he will greet me with a smile `how are you ?` a kiss on the lips a hand on the neck .Do you know how nice that feels? ` He wants to hear me talk, he wants to look up from his book and look me in the eye while I talk, why wouldnt I like that`
` when he ask if i want to spend time with him i know he really wants to, he really like seeing me and touching me. To have a man stop everything seek me out and plan something to do with me is wonderful`
`its not just sex because really i would be happy with kissing and hugging, the feeling of an arm around me is wonderful but i do know he wants the sex . At my age sex is not hot & heavy like the tv shows but it is enjoyable mostly because of the thrill the naughty passion that over takes your emotions that makes your skin shutter `
` i dont love this man and i dont like everything about him as im sure he doesn't like everything about me. He does not have to. We both have needs and we both talked about this which is another thing i get from this affair funny that isn't it? Even talking about the situation is a good thing which by the way we only done once to set some ground rules as we are both practical people `
`my marriage is good.It is normal with normal fights over money or him not helping out around the house and i do love him . And i am the first to admit yes what i am getting from another man is what i should be getting from my husband. Maybe after 20 years of marriage i have given up with thinking he will change or that we can change. Why not just go find it myself and then come home happy to my husband? I am a better wife and better woman when i am happy......... this is what makes me happy. For now anyway`
So do you hate this woman? Or do you understand her?
I understand her maybe because i want to feel better then her because i know i have those day dreams but have not acted on them or maybe because i want to act on them and live a secret life but dont have the balls to do it. Am I worried that any or all of the 3 hearts involved in this will get hurt , yes.
I keep thinking about what if my husband found out how much it would hurt him . I asked her this question and all she could say is that she try's not to think about it and she is doing the best she can with her life that she can at the moment.
And you know what maybe thats all any of us are doing, the best we can at the moment .
:)
Would your husband know, would the other mums at high school fundraiser know?
I think all of us want to have a secret life that goes along side of our normal life. Like being superman or maybe cat women
Even if not in reality we do in our daydreams.
Have'nt you sat there at traffic lights daydreaming about a holiday on your own or you drive past this young women carefree riding a bike past you and think about what your life would be like if you took her place? It's all the same thing isn't it? Day dreaming about a differant life or daydreaming about that man you seen yesturday & what your afternoon could be like with him.
Of yes we are going to go there, so if you are not up for a bit of sexy thinking or feel you cant handle weighing up the pros and cons about cheating on your partner maybe skip this blog post....
I know a couple of people who have either open marriages or have cheated on their partners. Everyone has a story and with that story comes many reasons why someone finds something in someone other then their partner (for this post husband)
I may not agree or understand some things these women do and i know I don't know what is going on in their marriages - relationship so why should i judge them?
Hearing about their lives and what i would call their stories is so interesting , it doesn't fill me with disgust or hate but understanding and sometimes sadness because it can be a dangerous game to play.
Game , wow did i just call cheating on your husband as a game ? Maybe that's not the right word but you hear it all the time don't you? Like tv shows and movies who make it seem so fun or thrilling but that is not always the case when peoples hearts are involved . When real people are involved.
Many say you can be married to the one you love but still find fun and thrill with someone you don't love.
Some also say you can love two people at once. What do you think? Maybe its safer to keep it all as a day dream
So would you know if the lady next to you that you have chatted with often is having an affair? Would she know if you where? One of the ladies i mentioned above lives a secret life, you wouldn't know by looking at her. It looks like she is happily marriages and is a happy confident woman. Which she will tell you she is & all became true once she found a man that made her feel wanted & happy, the thing is that man is not her husband.
Now i wish i could tell you his a horrible man who treats her like a dog but this is not the case. She will tell you he is a loving husband & great Father. Works hard while providing or his family. She loves him and they have a mostly normal marriage, the problem she will say is that it is too normal
And i get that. I understand that as i too have that feeling of a normal marriage sometimes umm only sometimes as my husband has Asperger so normal doesn't always stay for long.
Anyway so she has this normal marriage right, he works nights then comes home puts his clothes in the washing machine and goes to bed. Next she gets up gets the kids to school and goes to do some shopping or visit family. She cleans the house as her husband doesn't do any of that but what male really does? She works part time which she likes and where she became friends with a man .
For a women who has no male friends i do understand what she talks about when she tells us other women who will listen & not judge her, its different when you have a friend who is a man when you have been marriage so long in which all males around you are either gay or married to a friend.
Having a male as a friend can be wonderful I have heard and i am not saying you can not be friends with the opposite sex but for married women we don't get many single straight men wanting to be friends
Oh and this is not good example of that as these two became more the just friends. So hearing how he makes her feel, well it just takes my breath away & I feel a bit on the naughty side just hearing her talk about the affair that I can see how someone can get carried away down that path.
He makes her feel wanted that's what her first words were. Wanted. I guess every woman wants to be wanted. This is a a few words from her; Quotes by permission
` he listens to me like really hears what i am saying and we can talk, like real adults just talk together. Thats worth more then anything else we do together. Really if we had to stop all our physical connections sure i would miss that stuff but if we could still be friends and talk over a coffee that wouldnt be so bad. `.
`i can turn up to his place and he will greet me with a smile `how are you ?` a kiss on the lips a hand on the neck .Do you know how nice that feels? ` He wants to hear me talk, he wants to look up from his book and look me in the eye while I talk, why wouldnt I like that`
` when he ask if i want to spend time with him i know he really wants to, he really like seeing me and touching me. To have a man stop everything seek me out and plan something to do with me is wonderful`
`its not just sex because really i would be happy with kissing and hugging, the feeling of an arm around me is wonderful but i do know he wants the sex . At my age sex is not hot & heavy like the tv shows but it is enjoyable mostly because of the thrill the naughty passion that over takes your emotions that makes your skin shutter `
` i dont love this man and i dont like everything about him as im sure he doesn't like everything about me. He does not have to. We both have needs and we both talked about this which is another thing i get from this affair funny that isn't it? Even talking about the situation is a good thing which by the way we only done once to set some ground rules as we are both practical people `
`my marriage is good.It is normal with normal fights over money or him not helping out around the house and i do love him . And i am the first to admit yes what i am getting from another man is what i should be getting from my husband. Maybe after 20 years of marriage i have given up with thinking he will change or that we can change. Why not just go find it myself and then come home happy to my husband? I am a better wife and better woman when i am happy......... this is what makes me happy. For now anyway`
So do you hate this woman? Or do you understand her?
I understand her maybe because i want to feel better then her because i know i have those day dreams but have not acted on them or maybe because i want to act on them and live a secret life but dont have the balls to do it. Am I worried that any or all of the 3 hearts involved in this will get hurt , yes.
I keep thinking about what if my husband found out how much it would hurt him . I asked her this question and all she could say is that she try's not to think about it and she is doing the best she can with her life that she can at the moment.
And you know what maybe thats all any of us are doing, the best we can at the moment .
:)
Friday, 22 July 2016
I'm a mum without a village are you?
The phrase “It takes a village” Have you heard that before?
Its a proverb exists in different forms in many African languages.
I know what it means, I've just never had it for my children.
I've seen many movies and TV shows that would make me wish I lived inside the TV. All the big family parties, dinners around a large table with all the babies playing together. Cousins, siblings & friends.
I know what my child is missing because I had that. 30 years ago things where different I think its safe to say families where different.
We had no devices, kids looked up from the TV, we all had families with a couple of kids early on in our lives so the family dynamics where different to now. I grew up with big family BBQs and running around playing with my cousins even know we lived hours away from them I seen them often.
Another saying that comes to mind is
' You don't know what you got until its gone'
I miss what my family use to be like but now we all live hours away from each other, the great grandparents are gone and I am the only one in my family who has young children as all my cousins had children before me they are now teenagers plus.
The "village" is your support network. It doesn't have to be family but its people in your life that help, care for you & your child. It's another family who are willing to have your kid over for an afternoon who see that your child needs dinner before going home so just does it.
It's a friend who comes over for a cuppa only to end up washing your dishes while you have a shower & watch bub. It's someone you can confide, share your worries with and you don't feel judged. It's people you can count on to answer the phone in the middle of the night because you someone to watch your child while you take the other to the hospital . That's your village.
I have with both my children ended up in tears sitting on the floor wondering where my village was :(
In those first years of motherhood life can be scary, I can see how a village would help.
I have many times heard mothers talk about how over worked they are, that they don't get time with their husband, how they don't get to go out & do anything to relax..... and I start to relate to them. Talk a little about how its hard being a parent and then the classic bombshell comes out of their mouth "yer my parents only have them once a fortnight" or the " if it wasn't for my sister having them after school I don't know what I would do' are you kidding me??
I just smile & let them continue, there is no point in trying to get them to see my point of view they don't get it They have a village, they wont understand.
I tried once to bring it up with a mum at playgroup, she acted all caring but didn't get it you could tell. She was planning her 4th child & I could see how having a 4th didn't worry her because she was going to get meals brought over by loved ones, friends family coming over to help clean or watch bub, friends who can have the other children while she went shopping, if she is sick her husbands parents can have the kids when hubby is at work plus her husband is a good help around the house - lets not get me started on my loving but bad housekeeping husband. Of course she can have lots of kids she has a village.
My first child I was young , had lots of childless friends, no family in town & my husband family didn't want to offer much help so I know what I am talking about.
Same again with 2nd child .My husband and I had just moved to a new state and didn't have many friends. We didn't have a village; we were on our own.
Both times we where enough for each other. It made us have to be ok. There was no other choice.
Not having a village has made me a good parent. Not that I am saying having a village makes you a bad one or even not as good a parent.
I just know for me I can now see what it has taught ME and how it has made me a good parent aswell as my husband. I know about loneliness in motherhood. I learned that not all mums I met i could be friends with, also learning to keep trying to contact because one will come along who can be my friend.
I learnt that making friends when your old is hard work. But that I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. I learnt I can be enough parent for my children. I learnt to trust my own mother instinct, because when your stuck at home with a cry toddler - husband at work - you have to trust you know your child and whisper to yourself ' I can do this' because no one else is around to tell you.
Its a proverb exists in different forms in many African languages.
'It takes a whole village to raise a child. '
The basic meaning is that child's upbringing is a communal effort. The responsibility for raising a child is shared with the larger family (sometimes called the extended family). Everyone in the family participates especially the older children, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and even cousins.I know what it means, I've just never had it for my children.
I've seen many movies and TV shows that would make me wish I lived inside the TV. All the big family parties, dinners around a large table with all the babies playing together. Cousins, siblings & friends.
I know what my child is missing because I had that. 30 years ago things where different I think its safe to say families where different.
We had no devices, kids looked up from the TV, we all had families with a couple of kids early on in our lives so the family dynamics where different to now. I grew up with big family BBQs and running around playing with my cousins even know we lived hours away from them I seen them often.
Another saying that comes to mind is
' You don't know what you got until its gone'
I miss what my family use to be like but now we all live hours away from each other, the great grandparents are gone and I am the only one in my family who has young children as all my cousins had children before me they are now teenagers plus.
The "village" is your support network. It doesn't have to be family but its people in your life that help, care for you & your child. It's another family who are willing to have your kid over for an afternoon who see that your child needs dinner before going home so just does it.
It's a friend who comes over for a cuppa only to end up washing your dishes while you have a shower & watch bub. It's someone you can confide, share your worries with and you don't feel judged. It's people you can count on to answer the phone in the middle of the night because you someone to watch your child while you take the other to the hospital . That's your village.
I have with both my children ended up in tears sitting on the floor wondering where my village was :(
In those first years of motherhood life can be scary, I can see how a village would help.
I have many times heard mothers talk about how over worked they are, that they don't get time with their husband, how they don't get to go out & do anything to relax..... and I start to relate to them. Talk a little about how its hard being a parent and then the classic bombshell comes out of their mouth "yer my parents only have them once a fortnight" or the " if it wasn't for my sister having them after school I don't know what I would do' are you kidding me??
I just smile & let them continue, there is no point in trying to get them to see my point of view they don't get it They have a village, they wont understand.
I tried once to bring it up with a mum at playgroup, she acted all caring but didn't get it you could tell. She was planning her 4th child & I could see how having a 4th didn't worry her because she was going to get meals brought over by loved ones, friends family coming over to help clean or watch bub, friends who can have the other children while she went shopping, if she is sick her husbands parents can have the kids when hubby is at work plus her husband is a good help around the house - lets not get me started on my loving but bad housekeeping husband. Of course she can have lots of kids she has a village.
Me & my husband have gone 12 months without being together without at least one child with us.
We would each go outside of the house separate while the other has the kids but never in that 12months and again off and on over the last 14 years have we been out just him & me no children.
I couldn't even imagine two nights away without children, maybe my heart couldn't handle it anyway.
I admit, I want to slap that mum who tells me life is hard with only a handful of people in her life who she can ask for help.My first child I was young , had lots of childless friends, no family in town & my husband family didn't want to offer much help so I know what I am talking about.
Same again with 2nd child .My husband and I had just moved to a new state and didn't have many friends. We didn't have a village; we were on our own.
Both times we where enough for each other. It made us have to be ok. There was no other choice.
To the mum's who are like me without a village :
- I know what it's like to wish you could just call someone over to watch the baby while you take a shower but have no one.
- I know what it's like being the first in your friend group to have a baby, no one understand & your lives go in different directions. It becomes hard work to keep them.
- I know you feel lonely and isolated.
- I know what it's like to never be able to go to the movies in the first two weeks of its release or ever!
- I know what its like to see 'romantic holidays for two' and think 'who'd watch the kids'?
- I know that even an occasional babysitter cost money, money that you may not have & its just seems not worth it.
- I know you might have family members who would help out if you made them but you don't because its not right, they are aged or live to far away.
Not having a village has made me a good parent. Not that I am saying having a village makes you a bad one or even not as good a parent.
I just know for me I can now see what it has taught ME and how it has made me a good parent aswell as my husband. I know about loneliness in motherhood. I learned that not all mums I met i could be friends with, also learning to keep trying to contact because one will come along who can be my friend.
I learnt that making friends when your old is hard work. But that I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. I learnt I can be enough parent for my children. I learnt to trust my own mother instinct, because when your stuck at home with a cry toddler - husband at work - you have to trust you know your child and whisper to yourself ' I can do this' because no one else is around to tell you.
Ultimately, it makes you think twice about having another child. Its hard lonely work. I had to wait and make sure I was ready because I know its just me who needs to be complete willing to take it on myself first and foremost as my husband is a great dad but it has and always will be me the main care giver. That's just how our marriage works & to think it will change is doing both of us a injustice ??
So no I don't have a village but I am ok with that ... mostly :)
Saturday, 16 July 2016
teenagers need this
I just had a few words with the leader of the church I use to go to, about the youth group they where running but cancelled - now have started it back up again.
I don't go to that church anymore. I love God and pray every day. I am the only believer in my house.
It is hard for me to go to church on my own, for me church can be lonely.
But I also do not think like a lot of the people in churches. call me a half arsed Christian maybe but I don't care.
I look past peoples faults, their sins, be it gay or worshiping a goddess I will still sit at a table with you & become your best friend. I will never ask you to believe in God. I will never try to get you into church. I hate how people in churches can become snobs. They can be so out of touch with the real world and I believe churches should be out there helping and reaching the community .... Though seeing what someone (or a church ) does & acts like towards others; people may be able to find the Lord themselves.
I told one of the people at the church that had this youth group on Friday nights I felt it was wrong months ago when they cancelled the fun Friday nights youth group into a quiet bible study dinner that it seemed like they had given up on the youth in town.
Of course theses younger non believers wouldn't go to a bible study , that's not cool.
I know of 4 girls aged 13-15 that wouldn't go and now have no connection to the Lord. And I was shrugged off with some reason of no numbers high enough to have it run every week and so it changed & for the last couple of months only a couple of already Christian youth went to a dinner once a week. while the other teenagers had nothing to do with any church- one lost her mother & is now smoking & lost , another is sneaking out her window to be with an older boy, another is sexting and you cant tell me these kids don't need Jesus.
Yes they have parents or family but obviously have hard lives where if they had church youth leaders to talk to- to see once a week - where they could be off the streets and into a safe environment surly that is a good thing , right?
Its not just that my daughter was one of the ones who missed out but that I see once again another church only caring for its own.
Only care for the faithful, the believer, the poor children overseas.
I was told by others when I posted in a church forum
' we had a youth group but it ended up just a drop off for some kids , they didn't really want to be there and started causing trouble ' Umm well ok their not youth workers I get that but just ask them to leave until they want to act by the rules of the church. I don't see a problem with that do you ?
one women posted this - It sounds like the other kids were only interested in the fun. Not the God bit. You dont want to trick people into God by telling them its fun because ultimatelt thats not what Jesus or the bible say about a belief in God. A small group will disciple the kids who love God to then be able to talk to and invite their friends
And you know what a lot in the church think like that. Why not just put all your effort into 1 or 2 kids that you know will be come believers, then get them to bring in others and invite their friends to become believers . You know what the problem with that is? teenagers are group, pack animals and I am guessing that those 1 or 2 kids are not in any groups like the girls I listed above. they properly pick on those 1 or 2 teenagers. so their not going to get to church by an invite.
They will go to church for a free meal, something to do on a Friday night, the promise of games or a bus trip to get take away.
Its not tricking them, its not lairing. Teenagers are not dumb . They know its a church they know they will be asked to pray before a meal.
And they will hear the prayers, they will see the caring leaders look past their faults and weirdness they feel when people talk openly about God Because they have never heard people talk about the Lord like that .
Because its a whole new world for some of them, and they just want a way of sneaking in. The church is not tricking them its giving them an opening .They will take it but they may not want the rest of their friends thinking they are becoming a nun lol
I am not saying that this church youth group didn't have a real reason for stopping the youth group nights. They may not have the money or the leaders willing to help out .
I have asked before if I could help out but because I am not a regularly church going I was pushed off nicely - see another snob move . Now you see why I write what I do?
The actions is what people see. Its what I see and its what the teenagers see.
Lets make sure they see churches caring about then even if they are not a believer.
I don't go to that church anymore. I love God and pray every day. I am the only believer in my house.
It is hard for me to go to church on my own, for me church can be lonely.
But I also do not think like a lot of the people in churches. call me a half arsed Christian maybe but I don't care.
I look past peoples faults, their sins, be it gay or worshiping a goddess I will still sit at a table with you & become your best friend. I will never ask you to believe in God. I will never try to get you into church. I hate how people in churches can become snobs. They can be so out of touch with the real world and I believe churches should be out there helping and reaching the community .... Though seeing what someone (or a church ) does & acts like towards others; people may be able to find the Lord themselves.
I told one of the people at the church that had this youth group on Friday nights I felt it was wrong months ago when they cancelled the fun Friday nights youth group into a quiet bible study dinner that it seemed like they had given up on the youth in town.
Of course theses younger non believers wouldn't go to a bible study , that's not cool.
I know of 4 girls aged 13-15 that wouldn't go and now have no connection to the Lord. And I was shrugged off with some reason of no numbers high enough to have it run every week and so it changed & for the last couple of months only a couple of already Christian youth went to a dinner once a week. while the other teenagers had nothing to do with any church- one lost her mother & is now smoking & lost , another is sneaking out her window to be with an older boy, another is sexting and you cant tell me these kids don't need Jesus.
Yes they have parents or family but obviously have hard lives where if they had church youth leaders to talk to- to see once a week - where they could be off the streets and into a safe environment surly that is a good thing , right?
Its not just that my daughter was one of the ones who missed out but that I see once again another church only caring for its own.
Only care for the faithful, the believer, the poor children overseas.
I was told by others when I posted in a church forum
' we had a youth group but it ended up just a drop off for some kids , they didn't really want to be there and started causing trouble ' Umm well ok their not youth workers I get that but just ask them to leave until they want to act by the rules of the church. I don't see a problem with that do you ?
one women posted this - It sounds like the other kids were only interested in the fun. Not the God bit. You dont want to trick people into God by telling them its fun because ultimatelt thats not what Jesus or the bible say about a belief in God. A small group will disciple the kids who love God to then be able to talk to and invite their friends
And you know what a lot in the church think like that. Why not just put all your effort into 1 or 2 kids that you know will be come believers, then get them to bring in others and invite their friends to become believers . You know what the problem with that is? teenagers are group, pack animals and I am guessing that those 1 or 2 kids are not in any groups like the girls I listed above. they properly pick on those 1 or 2 teenagers. so their not going to get to church by an invite.
They will go to church for a free meal, something to do on a Friday night, the promise of games or a bus trip to get take away.
Its not tricking them, its not lairing. Teenagers are not dumb . They know its a church they know they will be asked to pray before a meal.
And they will hear the prayers, they will see the caring leaders look past their faults and weirdness they feel when people talk openly about God Because they have never heard people talk about the Lord like that .
Because its a whole new world for some of them, and they just want a way of sneaking in. The church is not tricking them its giving them an opening .They will take it but they may not want the rest of their friends thinking they are becoming a nun lol
I am not saying that this church youth group didn't have a real reason for stopping the youth group nights. They may not have the money or the leaders willing to help out .
I have asked before if I could help out but because I am not a regularly church going I was pushed off nicely - see another snob move . Now you see why I write what I do?
The actions is what people see. Its what I see and its what the teenagers see.
Lets make sure they see churches caring about then even if they are not a believer.
Tuesday, 12 July 2016
To my Dear Daughter
I’ll teach you to clean so one day you’ll see, how incredible the feeling of accomplishment can be.
I’ll teach you good eating so one day you’ll feel, how strength and good health can be found in a meal.
I’ll teach you moderation so one day you won’t, know the pain from eating a whole cake, please, just please don’t!
I’ll teach you kindness so one day you’ll find, how lovely it is to be reciprocated in kind.
I’ll teach you self-worth so one day you’ll stand, and lift up your chin, while holding out your hand.
I’ll teach you to relax, but not just laze around, the world is so wide – possibilities abound!
I’ll teach you courage so one day you’ll say, just because it is, doesn’t mean it should be that way.
I’ll teach you to love so one day you’ll hold, your husbands gaze warmly, and see your lives unfold.
I’ll teach you morals so one day you’ll inspire, a new world of lives and fill their hearts with great fire.
I’ll teach you respect so one day you’ll know, how people acknowledge you, and help you to grow.
I’ll teach you humility so one day you’ll watch, and recognize those the same, those you can trust.
I’ll wish that I could teach you everything in the world, from skydiving, to French, to discovering pearls.
But I know you’re all grown now, your wings taken flight, the last thing you want is for me to teach you tonight.
So I’ll teach you one more, just one last thing, it’s the love that I have for you - That will always make my heart sing. 😘
Saturday, 9 July 2016
Tough couple of weeks
I have had a really tough couple of weeks with some personal challenges - having problems with my marriage which is not a new thing as I don't believe in fair tails but my husbands depression amough other issues has been hard on me, physical health wise, teenager needing guidance & some hard parenting which is left up to me alone, financial pressures and all sorts of other challenges that are too numerous to go into detail with.
I am learning some big lessons through it though , As a message like this was shared with me I want to share my message now with you
One of them is to lean in to God in prayer and trust. OK don't roll your eyes if this is the first time you have worked out I believe in God Jesus and all of the above. I have been guilty of underestimating the power of prayer and trust before. And whether it be God , Goddess, mother earth, nothing therefore mediation this blog post can still have something in it for you so please still read ... My faith is mine not yours and I understand that. This is my opinion so open your mind & read ....
When you are put in a position where prayer becomes your only hope and trust requires physical sacrifice that hurts, you learn to see how powerful both these things are.
I have seen God bless us and provide for us over and over again. Giving what little I have and putting my trust in Him has led to abundant blessings. We are by no means rich but it's amazing how God has stepped in at the right time and provided- fueling that little seed of trust to grow even bigger and stronger. Its only me know prays in this house but some nights I am the one sound asleep while my husband still worries. Faith is what helps me sleep.
Secondly, I got a picture of a forest near a creek. In the forest were lots of trees, some standing tall and beautiful, with branches full of bright green foliage. Other trees did not stand as tall or as beautiful, some near the creek with twisty knotted trunks and very little foliage. A great storm came and swept many of the tall, beautiful trees to the ground. All their energy had gone into growing them tall and beautiful on the outside. They looked healthy and strong but when the storm came, they had no roots to hold them strong to the ground. The ugly, twisty trees near the creek weathered the storm because the energy had gone into building strong roots and character. On the outside they looked unfortunate but even though they were battered, they stood strong in the storm.
When we are going through tough times, when God is testing us and refining us, it can look like a curse and we pray for God to take it away. What I have learnt is that one day I will look back on this time and thank Him for the enormous blessing of these lessons, for the opportunity to grow roots in the clay soil that when the storm comes I will stand true and weather it.
He gives and he takes away. Naked I came into this world and naked I will go, though through learning these tough lessons and growing character, I am storing up treasure- the type one CAN take to heaven and bless others with. Blessing doesn't always look like good health, money or relationships. Sometimes blessing is in the promises of God.
I am learning some big lessons through it though , As a message like this was shared with me I want to share my message now with you
One of them is to lean in to God in prayer and trust. OK don't roll your eyes if this is the first time you have worked out I believe in God Jesus and all of the above. I have been guilty of underestimating the power of prayer and trust before. And whether it be God , Goddess, mother earth, nothing therefore mediation this blog post can still have something in it for you so please still read ... My faith is mine not yours and I understand that. This is my opinion so open your mind & read ....
When you are put in a position where prayer becomes your only hope and trust requires physical sacrifice that hurts, you learn to see how powerful both these things are.
I have seen God bless us and provide for us over and over again. Giving what little I have and putting my trust in Him has led to abundant blessings. We are by no means rich but it's amazing how God has stepped in at the right time and provided- fueling that little seed of trust to grow even bigger and stronger. Its only me know prays in this house but some nights I am the one sound asleep while my husband still worries. Faith is what helps me sleep.
Secondly, I got a picture of a forest near a creek. In the forest were lots of trees, some standing tall and beautiful, with branches full of bright green foliage. Other trees did not stand as tall or as beautiful, some near the creek with twisty knotted trunks and very little foliage. A great storm came and swept many of the tall, beautiful trees to the ground. All their energy had gone into growing them tall and beautiful on the outside. They looked healthy and strong but when the storm came, they had no roots to hold them strong to the ground. The ugly, twisty trees near the creek weathered the storm because the energy had gone into building strong roots and character. On the outside they looked unfortunate but even though they were battered, they stood strong in the storm.
When we are going through tough times, when God is testing us and refining us, it can look like a curse and we pray for God to take it away. What I have learnt is that one day I will look back on this time and thank Him for the enormous blessing of these lessons, for the opportunity to grow roots in the clay soil that when the storm comes I will stand true and weather it.
He gives and he takes away. Naked I came into this world and naked I will go, though through learning these tough lessons and growing character, I am storing up treasure- the type one CAN take to heaven and bless others with. Blessing doesn't always look like good health, money or relationships. Sometimes blessing is in the promises of God.
Tuesday, 5 July 2016
Marriage between a aspie & NT
So an ASPIE is short for a person with Asperger's Syndrome NT means Neurotypical person.
My sons therapist of many years brought my husbands syndrome to our attention last year since then a lot of stuff makes sense and we are both still learning about Asperger or as some like to say being on the spectrum.
My husband has always had his strange ways, weirdness we use to say. Things he liked or didn't like for reason that only made sense to him. He is not good with strangers or meeting new people, going to events where he can't just hide in the crowd, eye contact , confronting people unless hiding behind a phone or computer.
And many more things that make life a bit harder like buying clothes because he doesn't like things around his wrist or only wears pants that are elastic waisted no belts ... Trust me it goes on with food oh my goodness don't get me started on the weirdness of his eating habits - no noddles or rice , no brown foods , doesn't like certain brands of things & left with no other choice but to have these things the reaction can be like a 4 year olds tantrum
But he has a big heart, wanting and willing to help someone in need because that is the right thing to do Not wanting any praise or stand out reward also getting upset when a simple thank you is not given ( it's not a simple world he lives in )
His not good with showing his feelings or affections. Therefore it's hard for him to understand people sometimes and read Body language . It's hard for him to understand that I might just want a cuddle or a minute holding my hand, or make me a coffee but I have been told that can be a normal mere male thing but with all that he manages to keep me in love with him.
He has a hobby to do with birds but it is pass the point of a normal hobby as it takes over his whole life , it is his obsession and his life would fall apart without it. It effects me and our children like many of the things above do as you can imagine so life is not easy with an aspie. It can be heart breaking, lonely, confusing and frustrating.
You spend so much of your time and energy caring for your ASH ,running around making sure that all those weird things above are or are not effecting them it's easy to forget about yourself. That last sentence can sum up life with an aspie.
I've also found that when I get to that stage its when our marriage starts to fall about. I need to look after myself (see my other blog post on SelfCare) and he starts to say I am the one losing it, that I am crazy. I am the moody or cranky one. You know what? His right . Because if I havnt been caring for myself and I'm not ready & bracing myself for his impact upon my life I can't handle it and all those reactions come out so he see crazy wife come out.
The worse thing that could have happened was years ago one doctor said I was bipolar and no matter how healthy I am, no matter how many other doctors or councillors say I am not ASH always brings that back up as his defence .
It always gets me to bite back . So yer we have our fights but I'm still here , I still love him.
Just some days I wonder why ❤️ Then later I just smile as I remember a funny holiday or thing from our past and I know I'm not home unless I'm with him x
My sons therapist of many years brought my husbands syndrome to our attention last year since then a lot of stuff makes sense and we are both still learning about Asperger or as some like to say being on the spectrum.
My husband has always had his strange ways, weirdness we use to say. Things he liked or didn't like for reason that only made sense to him. He is not good with strangers or meeting new people, going to events where he can't just hide in the crowd, eye contact , confronting people unless hiding behind a phone or computer.
And many more things that make life a bit harder like buying clothes because he doesn't like things around his wrist or only wears pants that are elastic waisted no belts ... Trust me it goes on with food oh my goodness don't get me started on the weirdness of his eating habits - no noddles or rice , no brown foods , doesn't like certain brands of things & left with no other choice but to have these things the reaction can be like a 4 year olds tantrum
But he has a big heart, wanting and willing to help someone in need because that is the right thing to do Not wanting any praise or stand out reward also getting upset when a simple thank you is not given ( it's not a simple world he lives in )
His not good with showing his feelings or affections. Therefore it's hard for him to understand people sometimes and read Body language . It's hard for him to understand that I might just want a cuddle or a minute holding my hand, or make me a coffee but I have been told that can be a normal mere male thing but with all that he manages to keep me in love with him.
He has a hobby to do with birds but it is pass the point of a normal hobby as it takes over his whole life , it is his obsession and his life would fall apart without it. It effects me and our children like many of the things above do as you can imagine so life is not easy with an aspie. It can be heart breaking, lonely, confusing and frustrating.
You spend so much of your time and energy caring for your ASH ,running around making sure that all those weird things above are or are not effecting them it's easy to forget about yourself. That last sentence can sum up life with an aspie.
I've also found that when I get to that stage its when our marriage starts to fall about. I need to look after myself (see my other blog post on SelfCare) and he starts to say I am the one losing it, that I am crazy. I am the moody or cranky one. You know what? His right . Because if I havnt been caring for myself and I'm not ready & bracing myself for his impact upon my life I can't handle it and all those reactions come out so he see crazy wife come out.
The worse thing that could have happened was years ago one doctor said I was bipolar and no matter how healthy I am, no matter how many other doctors or councillors say I am not ASH always brings that back up as his defence .
It always gets me to bite back . So yer we have our fights but I'm still here , I still love him.
Just some days I wonder why ❤️ Then later I just smile as I remember a funny holiday or thing from our past and I know I'm not home unless I'm with him x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)