I'll leave you the last piece of cake

Do you ever wonder if your partner knows about all the little things you do for them?
And yelling them out in the middle of a fight that strayed over his mother coming for dinner unannounced does not count .
As a mother I am very practiced at putting another human being first, it's something that comes over us when we first hold our new born babies .
We will always give them the best foood, drink, clothing we can and we will always give them the last clean towel or drink of juice. That's just the way motherhood is but is some form or another a wife is like this too.
We do things for our husband, we care for them too. And in some fairytale marriages we see looking for the outside in seem to work well as both partners care and serve the other .
Sometimes it's a bit more one sided .
Once I had this blog idea come to me I just couldn't stop seeing all the things I do for my husband.
Now I'm not saying I hate doing them, truth be told i kind of like caring for him sometimes but I now see how one sided it has become.
Do you leave the last can of drink in the fridge for him? Or maybe leave him the last couple of tomatos knowing he likes tomato sandwiches? I do.
When I have a shower and see there is the big fluffy towel and a smaller old one only left I leave the bigger fluffy one for him.
And when his been on the computer all night & has left the lid off his favourite drink bottle I close it.
If I am in the shops getting myself something for work lunch I make sure I look for something yummy to bring home to him too.
And of course the classic clothes on the floor situation, when even know he put that shirt on the floor he will want to wear it tomorrow so I the cleaning fairy comes along to wash , dry and fold it for him.
That cleaning fairy does all his clothes, dishes and house cleaning you know 😜
When planning what to cook for dinners all week at least half are foods he likes
And
Yes I leave him the last piece of cake too.
It's when this started spinning around in my head that i think it can get dangerous.
How do I feel about all that I do for him? And the question that comes to my mind after that is What does he do for me? The answers to these two questions can be happiness or sadness .

          Thanks for reading and I hope it finds you well. K

Camping fun

Camping we will go

So as a mum of two in her 30s I decided to jump into the world of camping.

Yep I asked online and done some reading but unless you had money to buy everything at once I was left with a 2nd hand tent & Kmart blow up mattresses .

Some people said to me online that all you need is to just relax and go with it some said plan everything & ask others for help. 

Well I relaxed and I planned  ..... it still didn't go to plan. 

I was the only one who stayed to sleep both nights.

My husband wasn't Intersted from the start so I took the bull by the horns so to speak and marched off on my own with two kids . 

Well we got there and realised I had forgotten the tent poles and pegs - husband to the rescue. 

Then we couldn't remember how to put up our 2nd hand tent we had only used once before so by the time it was dark we had got the tent up in time for me to collapse in it.

Then the teenager wanted to leave with her father because there was no internet & she missed her boyfriend. I was over her sulking by this time & let her drive away with her father to go home to a internet connection. The next night my son wasn't feel well with a cold so dad to recues again came & picked him up. The teenager stayed with me instead (I'm guessing after having a talking to by her father)

So two night camping with the kids ended up differently then the picture perfect tv add looking holiday I seen in my head last week.

This left me felling like I had fail. My ideal camping holiday was a half made tent with little food and a blow up mattress I had to blow up twice 

But my 7 year old surprisingly loved the idea. His sensory processing disorder was at peace here . He wondered around the camp site in the morning when it was just me & him, just taking in the peaceful bush. 

I was calm as I didn't have to worry about what people where thinking of me and my autistic son, why was he making those noises or why did he want to keep hitting that tree with that stick....

 We could just BE. I read some of a book for the first time in over a year .

The book by Constance Hall and one part spoke to me on page fifty ~ 

'Queens don't fail at anything,they learn lessons and they change their minds'

I realised I had been looking at this wrong . I havnt failed camping .

I had found out how to better do it next time. I had given my son some space and I in return  got some also.

I had learn we need to check everything before living and to buy a bigger esky and pack more food the list goes on .....
So yes I went camping.
I will do it again
and I may also change my mind :) 

Are you making an adult?

I am making an adult, are you? if you have a child from ages 13 onwards then yes you are.

I think sometimes with the whirl winded of work, schooling, sports, partners, hobbies we forget that these little people that are not babies or toddles anymore and not even kids anymore are going to be the next adults in our community.
We work so hard to keep them healthy when their babies, to bring them up right with manners and strong beliefs. We get them ready for school then we keep them in school. Its all one big long event isn't it.
So we could be forgiven if we take a breath and sit down for a while when they start doing things for themselves . When they start knowing what they want and are ready to go get it.
Yer sure we still make sure they have manners and good belief system but really we become the nagging voice in the background don't we mum & dad?

I was recently reminded about the different kinds of parents out there. Parents of teenagers I mean especially. You have the very relaxed, the very strict, the My kid woldnt do that ones, the ones who act more like teenagers then the children do & many more types I'm sure. I am the first one to hold my hand up and say I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm not saying I have it worked out. I like many parents has said those words " they have changed. their just not like they use to be i'm worried"
I only recently released what MY problem was.
Of course my teenager has changed. She is not a kid anymore but becoming an adult. How can I expect her to be the same.
She is not the same as she was when she was in kindy. She is not the same as when she was in year 5.
Why do we as parent start worrying when our teenagers change, instead just see it for what it is.
Most of the generally parenting problems you will have with teenagers all comes from a basic human response to their age - growing from child to adult - but being stuck in the middle of that change.
They want to push boundaries, they want to jump before looking because all they can think about is the place they want to land.... 
I am going to make one thing clear; some teenagers need help, the signs are very different and I mean not to say that your teenager is 'just fine' because if you think they need help go get it for them.
I want to type this blog from a place of an average family with no abuse, hardship, bullying , self esteem issues beyond the normal. ok. AND even that does not guarantee a teenager will not need professional help.
So anyway my point is that remember we are making adults, these teenagers that drive us nuts are going to be workers, parents, drivers, carers, club members even may be in a high place of responsibility one day.
I really didn't grow up until I was in my 20s so I know its a long journey and I don't expect my 14 year old to work every afternoon and go to school ,cook, clean and watch her brother every day like a grown up.
I understand she needs to have fun, relax and socialise because this is also the way she forms who she is but we as parents have to be there to hold up the boundaries because they can't. That part of their brain has not formed yet.
You can not let a young teenager online in this world free to rom the world wide web without limits.
You can not have them wonder around the street to do what ever they feel like doing .
There has to be a balance. Let them be who they think they want to be But also be there to rein them in when it looks like they need it  :)

About me

ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ : Why can these two words leave a grown adult looking into space in deep thought like they have been asked to solve the world's biggest problems? 
 

Have you ever had to fill out paperwork or a profile with this question in it? Have you been told that they don't want an answer that involves What you do for a living or how many children you have plus their ages. Now try to answer . Hmmmm 
So ᗯᕼO ᗩᖇE YOᑌ? 
If you ask a child this question most seem to jump right in with their name, age or school year, because that's what we as adults have made them learn BUT if you explain to them you want to know about them & what makes them Them you will get wonderful insight :) 
 You will get that one little boy likes pizza because it has lots of cheese which is his favourite food. And that he loves watching lego movies which he then imagines his toys coming to life and playing with him in his room later. It's simple things to him at the moment at a child's stage of life- and so it should be.
Where did we lose that? 
 We tell our children to be happy with who they are. Take the good parts with the bad parts of themselves & love themselves because we love them. As adults, as Parents we seem to not take our own pep talks. 
I am just recently learning about being ᗰE. 
And it's getting easier to answer this question.

                               äḅöüẗ ṃệ
I love nature & enjoy seeing new places.
I'm a caring person but can be guarded. 
I respect all living creatures & feel heartbreak when any animal even road kill comes along my path, as I know that animal has feelings. I've always wanted to grab a van & travel Australia as I feel I don't want to miss out on what was right at my back door before I'm to old. 
 There so what would you say.................?

I'll take the ordinary things dear Husband.😊

Are you the one at the park alone watching the kids play?
Or are you part of that couple i see, sitting there chatting watching their childern play at the swings?
I'm sitting on my own. Yes i have a husband but this is not 'his thing' , Don't get me wrong he is a great father & loves spending time with them. It's more fishing or 4WDing stuff that he likes to do.
And is good at talking the kids into doing those things instead of what they started to nag for like the riding bikes or going to the park ordinary stuff i call it. 🌳
I am the parent that does the ordinary things like playing on the swings, meeting for playdates, taking the remote control car for a run in the empty parking lot or like now sitting under a tree watching them ride their bikes around & around. 🚴🏻

Yes truth is, most the time I have to be guilted or dragged by the kids to do these Ordinary things but once out here I'm filled with gratitude ~ love~ happiness.❤
Seeing my children happy, growing up, doing ordinary things is wonderful and helps that they are a little worn out too. 
Getting out of the house, sitting here under this tree is so good for the soul.
Would I like my life partner to be here next to me Yes but I am ok being here on my own also. 
I have to be ok. 💞👶🏻
I'll take the ordinary things anyday dear husband. Anyday :)

I don't need a husband to fix that

So I've been out doing stuff around the yard.  Poisoning, cleaning the caked on crud from under my mower, re-potting water lilies.  All the while thinking about this theory of mine.  You don't have to agree, you don't have to comment, it's just my opinion.  Back in the old days man worked, woman stayed home and did housework, cared for children, sewed, cooked, whatever.  Man came home to cooked meal on the dinner table blah blah.  He did yard work on weekends etc etc.  Saved, bought a house with a picket fence and a brand new car. Now as times have changed we evolve and continue to evolve.  Men AND women work.  Houses are too expensive.  Kids are too expensive.  Everything's too expensive.  Everyone works and gets nowhere.  Suddenly families don't work anymore.  Men still work but they don't come home to home cooked meals anymore.  They come home to tired cranky wives and screaming children.  The men aren't happy the wives aren't happy the children aren't happy.  The wife asks the man 30 times to take out the garbage before getting fed up and doing it herself. He calls it nagging.  She realises that if she's going to do everything herself why does she need him? The marriage breaks up.  The woman takes everything (or so he says) including the kids. And she manages to do everything on her own and in fact she's still doing everything she was doing before but feels like one less kid to look after and nag.  Man feels un-needed, un-wanted. Woman feels liberated and swears to never rely on man again.  Very sad. And I don't really get why men like to feel needed.  Like you need them around to do stuff (even though when you ask them to do stuff they never do! Hence the nagging!) If I want a guy around its because I WANT him around not because I need him to do stuff for me.  I can do all my own stuff thank you (and thanks google for all the stuff I don't know how to do haha) But yeah I'm one of those independent chicks because well every time I've relied on some one they've let me down.  So I rely on myself, best decision ever. I don't wanna feel like I'm helpless and useless. I got me.  Not to say that if a guy wants to help I wouldn't let him.  He just better know that I won't beg his ass to stick around if things go sour. I'll just get on with things without him.
PS Before you scream feminist I don't really see myself as a feminist.  I am who I am because of what I have experienced.

Do you have a secret life ?

Do you have a secret life? Do you have a part of your life that not many people know about?
Would your husband know, would the other mums at high school fundraiser know?
I think all of us want to have a secret life that goes along side of our normal life. Like being superman or maybe cat women
Even if not in reality we do in our daydreams.
Have'nt you sat there at traffic lights daydreaming about a holiday on your own or  you drive past this young women carefree riding a bike past you and think about what your life would be like if you took her place? It's all the same thing isn't it?  Day dreaming about a differant life or daydreaming about that man you seen yesturday & what your afternoon could be like with him.
Of yes we are going to go there, so if you are not up for a bit of sexy thinking or feel you cant handle weighing up the pros and cons about cheating on your partner maybe skip this blog post....

I know a couple of people who have either open marriages or have cheated on their partners. Everyone has a story and with that story comes many reasons why someone finds something in someone other then their partner (for this post husband)
I may not agree or understand some things these women do and i know I don't know what is going on in their marriages - relationship so why should i judge them?
Hearing about their lives and what i would call their stories is so interesting , it doesn't fill me with disgust or hate but understanding and sometimes sadness because it can be a dangerous game to play.
Game , wow did i just call cheating on your husband as a game ? Maybe that's not the right word but you hear it all the time don't you? Like tv shows and movies who make it seem so fun or thrilling but that is not always the case when peoples hearts are involved . When real people are involved.

Many say you can be married to the one you love but still find fun and thrill with someone you don't love.
 Some also say you can love two people at once. What do you think? Maybe its safer to keep it all as a day dream


So would you know if the lady next to you that you have chatted with often is having an affair? Would she know if you where?  One of the ladies i mentioned above lives a secret life, you wouldn't know by looking at her. It looks like she is happily marriages and is a happy confident woman. Which she will tell you she is & all became true once she found a man that made her feel wanted & happy, the thing is that man is not her husband.
Now i wish i could tell you his a horrible man who treats her like a dog but this is not the case. She will tell you he is a loving husband & great Father. Works hard while providing or his family. She loves him and they have a mostly normal marriage, the problem she will say is that it is too normal
And i get that. I understand that as i too have that feeling of a normal marriage sometimes umm only sometimes as my husband has Asperger so normal doesn't always stay for long.

Anyway so she has this normal marriage right, he works nights then comes home puts his clothes in the washing machine and goes to bed. Next she gets up gets the kids to school and goes to do some shopping or visit family. She cleans the house as her husband doesn't do any of that but what male really does? She works part time which she likes and where she became friends with a man .
For a women who has no male friends i do understand what she talks about when she tells us other women who will listen & not judge her, its different when you have a friend who is a man when you have been marriage so long in which all males around you are either gay or married to a friend.
Having a male as a friend can be wonderful I have heard and i am not saying you can not be friends with the opposite sex but for married women we don't get many single straight men wanting to be friends
Oh and this is not good example of that as these two became more the just friends. So hearing how he makes her feel, well it just takes my breath away & I feel a bit on the naughty side just hearing her talk about the affair that I can see how someone can get carried away down that path.
He makes her feel wanted that's what her first words were. Wanted. I guess every woman wants to be wanted. This is a a few words from her; Quotes by permission
` he listens to me like really hears what i am saying and we can talk, like real adults just talk together. Thats worth more then anything else we do together. Really if we had to stop all our physical connections sure i would miss that stuff but if we could still be friends and talk over a coffee that wouldnt be so bad. `.
`i can turn up to his place and he will greet me with a smile `how are you ?` a kiss on the lips a hand on the neck .Do you know how nice that feels? ` He wants to hear me talk, he wants to look up from his book and look me in the eye while I talk, why wouldnt I like that`
` when he ask if i want to spend time with him i know he really wants to, he really like seeing me and touching me. To have a man stop everything seek me out and plan something to do with me is wonderful`
`its not just sex because really i would be happy with kissing and hugging, the feeling of an arm around me is wonderful but i do know he wants the sex . At my age sex is not hot & heavy like the tv shows but it is enjoyable mostly because of the thrill the naughty passion that over takes your emotions that makes your skin shutter `
` i dont love this man and i dont like everything about him as im sure he doesn't like everything about me. He does not have to. We both have needs and we both talked about this which is another thing i get from this affair funny that isn't it?   Even talking about the situation is a good thing which by the way we only done once to set some ground rules as we are both practical people `
`my marriage is good.It is normal with normal fights over money or him not helping out around the house and i do love him . And i am the first to admit yes what  i am getting from another man is what i should be getting from my husband. Maybe after 20 years of marriage i have given up with thinking he will change or that we can change. Why not just go find it myself and then come home happy to my husband? I am a better wife and better woman when i am happy......... this is what makes me happy. For now anyway`
So do you hate this woman? Or do you understand her?
I understand her maybe because i want to feel better then her because i know i have those day dreams but have not acted on them or maybe because i want to act on them and live a secret life but dont have the balls to do it. Am I worried that any or all of the 3 hearts involved in this will get hurt , yes.
I keep thinking about what if my husband found out how much it would hurt him . I asked her this question and all she could say is that she try's not to think about it and she is doing the best she can with her life that she can at the moment.
And you know what maybe thats all any of us are doing, the best we can at the moment .
:)