Why write an ABOUT ME ?

As I have said before I am just using this blog as a way of getting things out of my system, so I didn't see a point in writing an About Me post/page like all the other mum blogs.

To be honest I've never really understood why they were needed, I mean am a pretty guarded person in some ways when am online. I don't want total strangers knowing what my favourite takeaway place is or how many kids go to the local school. Even worse I dold want someone I do know writing about me about stuff I wouldn't normally chose to tell them at that stage of our relationship I guess.
Putting yourself whole self out there online for anyone to see scares me a little.
But then I read on a group post on facebook about how a women found it one of the hardest things to do. I thought about it for a while & it became a big thing ..... it wasn't just write your details it is writing about you. Not what you are like a mum or a wife but about the person, the single human form.
 A writing about what defines you.
Describe yourself.                    Now this have been a challenge but a good one I needed to do.
This has been sitting in my drafts for over 4 weeks. I add bits and I take away bit ; filling it in a little at a time. It has made me contemplate who I am

I am in my late 30s and I have had two children with my husband. Never knew I wanted children until  it happened now I wouldn't have it any other way.
I grew up with horses. I enjoyed riding the and I was very good at it. I am sad when I think about it as I gave that part of my life up many many years ago and I know it's just not possible o have that back.
I like traveling and really like to take my time getting to and from places. More county places , places with a history I enjoying learning about. 
I'd and not much of a reader but when I find things - topics I'm interested in I'm happy to research it and find out more. 
I believe everyone no matter rich, poor, a famous good person or a bush ranger should be remembered and have the respect paid to them once they are gone. 
With the exception of major criminals. Family history should be kept and taken care of for the future and we should never forget where we come from.
I am passionate about remembering the Man, women and animals who died the Wars to eep us here safe at home and we should be feeling blessed every day .
Family is family and should be kept in contact, respected and never forgotten. Family is worth the effort.
So yer that's me. I like colouring in because I can't draw lol  I enjoy singing when no one can hear me and the one hing I'd love to do would be to buy a camper van and travel Austrailia .

Having a child with autism is like ......

As I sit here watching my Younger  son wander around the house making his noises that seem to calm him down I started thinking of writing this blog post...
And why I should write this. See I find it hard to call myself a 'parent of a special needs child'
Why you ask? I don't really know why. It's not like I hide the fact he was diagnosed with autism over 2 years ago or that he has teachers aids helping him at school. I'll tell anyone that ask about my son and his autism but I feel that because he is classed as High Functioning & not the 'classic ' autism child pictured in media and the like ,  I think others will look at me thinking I'm a lair or I'm one of those mums who think their child is so hard done by. So yes I worry what others will think but not think of my son - think of me as a person - as a mum.
Strange isn't it.
It's hard for parents of children who look on the outside as 'normal' but are vey differant to the main peers of their class. You can't always understand what you can not see I also find.
I know (for now at least at his age) he is accepted by his peers & adults at the moment.
 But maybe I am worry if I will be understood and other mums will accept that my child takes differant parenting skills & needs then their child.

I know Raising a ' special needs ' child (let's use that wording for this blogs sake) can challage everything you use to think about parenting.See after D day ( the day you got the conformation of diagnoses ...) you have to start looking at your child as differant to other children And its scary.
 See your dreams and aspirations you had for your child might not be possible , the child you have might end up living a wonderful full life but it's going to take a lot of work. And even know you can see how wonderful your child is & are so truely blessed to have a health child you, Can be scared and sadden by the fact of life that things will be harder for them.
Leaving you unsure of their future...
You have this natural instincts to wrap them up and protect them from the world outside...
Like all parents do.
But it's the constant fight that you have to keep up, the endless battle you are end to make sure your child is getting the help they need, to make sure they are given every opportunity , keep teachers and support workers doing their job so you child doesn't fall through the cracks. It's being your child's
advocate and it's a fight you will always be fighting. No matter how sick you get of it.
You want your child to be like others, you want invites to parties, sleepovers , you want kids to want to be friends with your child and not see their differances as weird.
What you don't want is t be holding your child in a dark bedroom under his bed while he crystal because he doesn't want to be weird, because he wanted to go to blakes sleepover party but knew he would feel overwhelmed & uncomfortable. That brings us to the next thing that is thrown at you - teaching your child that having Autism is ok now that can be the heart breaker.
 Can tell you that one thing is for such, I know I am going to cry for my child many many times over the next few years as he goes into primary school.

Example is my son wanted to play football as all his peers where doing. His dad loves football & it's a real tough sport that boys are meant to be good at right? Well that's how it played out in my sons head but it was just not meant to be. He spent more times spinning around in circles at the back them playing. He didn't want anyone to touch him and wouldn't tackle anyone because he didn't want to touch anyone. So as you can guess it wasn't the right sport for him . Lucky we made sure he didn't feel like he had failed but it's hard for him .
Another one is going to the aquarium with friends. Rushing though half of the place because it was dark,flashing lights,lots of people , noisy ( it was set up to be like an under water cave show) so he didn't get to see the sea horses or the big crabs everyone was talking about that afternoon because he couldn't handle the overload on his sensors.
See what I mean, my heart breaks for him.


As I said I have only been a parent for just over 13 years and a special need parent for less so I am still learning , I will end up teaching my son to proud and happy with who he is that I am sure of.
I love him no matter what and I see so many wonderful things, gifts he has that I have not told you about today Next time I will because he is a special little boy 😁

Self care - taking care of you

Why do we feel guilty when we do something for ourselves? when we take time out, get something only we enjoy or stop doing things for others so we can do something for ourselves .
Mothers are really good at feeling bad for wanting or needing selfcare.

It's exhausting being a mother, wife, daughter in law, friend, carer and all the other Hats that we put on everyday.
Why do we think we have to keep going?
In my opinion there is two different kinds of women
1. You think our families world will fall apart if you take time to do something for ourselves therefore don't find time. The I AM TO BUSY FOR THAT  or WHERE WOULD I FIND THE TIME.
2. Feel guilty for even thinking of doing something for yourself because you see it as a privilege not a right.

Call it guilt or just not seeing it as important it comes down to the way you think about the whole SelfCare thing .

How do you see it?

Parenting --- Wifely duties --- Work ---- Chores ---- Friendships

Even the friendships we put on the work list so to speak.The things we should be doing.
So why don't we place selfcare onto our list?

We need to change the way we think, taking care of ourself is not an extra thing it is something we need to do.
So we can continue to do all the other things on our list.
So make a little rule in your head now; one thing a week I am going to do that I want to do.Selfcare.
Ideas:
Tell everyone in your family you are off dutie on Wednesday night between 7-8pm and go read a bed in bed with some candle & chocolate
Bubble bath
Get some head phones , find your fav music and spend some time walking on the treadmill
Go for a drive, get drive thru and park at a river watching the ducks swim around for a while
Go to the movies or an event you want to see
Pay for a massage or get your nails done
Go get your hair done
Get up on Saturday morning and head to the markets by yourself enjoy wondering where you want :)
 Go enjoy xxx

Another baby really?

 

We decide over 8 months ago to try for another child, we didn't announce to family or friends, only a couple of close friends or the newer friends I've made at school pick up know (ill explain later why) If we are blessed to conceive it will be our 3rd child but 4th child for my husband.
We are looking forward to this next chapter in our lives

However, not everyone may shared in our joy.

“Don’t you have enough to do, hasn't your son got Autism?”

“Your kidding right?”

“Can you guys even afford another?”

“This couldn’t have been planned, right?”

“Wow, ok. Did you even want another kid?”

This is what we may hear................Still, whatever the reasoning, the criticism won’t catch us completely off-guard. In fact, it was something we had grown use to , with each of our other children we got this kind of reaction or mixed feelings.

When we told family about our first pregnancy, they just looked at us. Saying were too young and had our whole life ahead of us , like our life was over.  We had been planning the wedding. (which we had when I was 5mths along before I wouldn't be able to fit into my dress lol )

It seemed better with our 2nd as we had moved inter-state away from all family to start fresh, we didn't have to hear their comments only the ' you got to be kidding' and 'oh really oh well' from both our parents but it seems 'ok' as the thinking was our daughter will have a sibling to play with so that's normal traditional family planning right?.
Then you have my husband who had a child before I came along which doesn't live with us, that's 4 for him.

I have over the last couple of years brought up the subject with my family of a 3rd child. It seemed that people mostly mine & my husbands family just couldn’t get why we would want three children. The biggest thing for them to seem to juggle with is the fact we had a 7 year gap between our children, then I would be talking about a 3rd child 4 years after my last child.
It was like they seen us as DONE. Finished. Its been to long between children so you must be all done with that part of your life. So after a while we stopping bringing it up with family & close friends, another year went past and maybe we pushed it away partly because of all this but life went on all the same.

My maternal instincts would kick in when I cuddled a newborn at a party about a year ago, most of the time me & my husband didn't have the chance to be around any babies or children other then our 6 year old son & his friends. I came home upset & told my husband I wanted another child, guess what he had wanted one still also but was worried I didn't ,so he kept quiet.

So we are at the fun part my husband would call it of trying to conceive , not all fun and games for me as it comes with the worry that it won't happen or can't happen.
And then I have the age thing, once you hit 35 you move into other category as the doctor put it.
The level of risk get higher. Risk of something going wrong with me or the baby so that means extra tests and a whole new ball game for me this time around as my body is not what it use to be.
Even know I had 'normal' pregnancies and health babies in the past it's still a worry.
So back to the not telling people, well its never been like a scene out of a lovely movie where the grandparents jump up & hug you screaming with joy for us.
Both our parents have hurt me and my husband with their replies when we have told them of important things happening in our lives.
It hurts and we are both not looking forward to that happening again.
I have talked to a couple of my friends about our plans, people that we have meet here in our now hometown of 6 years & a close friend of mine who wishes now she had another child before it was to late for her.
Maybe its the country air but they all seem to have a laid back thinking that if its what we want it must be right and telling them we want more just seems lovely to them, its nice.
I really don't understand where the other peoples hurtful reactions come from, we are great parents, loving couple and I had to learn to let that go because if I keep trying to work others out I will go insane.
So yes they will find out when it is not possible to avoid anymore, but I will be guarded.
I'm guessing I will still get hurt by family this is something maybe this time around I won't stand for.
 

Taking all that out of the equation it is still 9 months of carrying to term, discomfort,  fatigue while trying to still work, my hormones will drive me and my husband crazy and after all that I will have this little person who will need me more then anyone. While I recover from the roller coaster of the last 9 month.
I feel like I haven't sleep since before my son started growing inside me almost 7 years ago, as he still has trouble going to sleep at night & wakes often during the night.

Yes I worry how me, my husband and my other two children at home will survive , how this next chapter in our lives will play out. But I look back on all the crazy life changes we have had and guess what ? we survived that.
I see we are in for a few more years of buying endless baby supplies, poos and screams.
 More sleepless nights & the house looking like a big baby bomb went off.

Are we really ready to go down this road again I ask myself sometimes, in those moments my son is screaming because he wants something and my teenager is sulking in her room.
Then I find myself sitting in those quiet times, the times I can hear my heart calling me. It reminds me of the joy I feel creating another wonderful soul to live as part of our family.
Breaking down that roller coast ride into different turns, dips and corners. Remembering the smiles, laughs, warm hugs.

Its like a gentle reminder, I'm not done yet. I feel like I have been on pause. There is a part of my heart ready to give. I remember looking at my little girl almost 14 years ago thinking 'there is no way I can love anyone or anything as much as I love you' I felt full, wonderfully I found out yes I could love another just as much....my son and now I know there is more love to give.
It's amazing how us humans work isn't it.

Of course would I love a bigger bank balance . Would I love a bigger house and I would love to travel without the baby carrier, cot, bottles, bags and stress of course.
I love my peaceful days when the kids are at school and I can get all the house work done, I have studied and gain better jobs. My life could be just starting again with older children and all this baby stuff behind me but you know what ? when I think of that I feel very lonely, not for me now left sitting at home waiting for the kids to come but lonely for the world, sad that another life could be here with us but has yet been given the chance.

There will be a time in my life to slow down, to be in a quiet house and when that time comes I will be ready. I am not ready yet.
I want a house full . FULL.
When I am old sitting in my nursing home room I want to be able to say I filled my life.
I filled my life with love, laughter, crying, stress, fun, heartbreak, worry, joy and know that I gave it my all.
Take the good with the bad they say.
Well I say just Take life! Don't end up sitting in that nursing home room with no one visiting, no one to call, no memories to look back on.
And if we do it right we will have those children calling us, visiting us and loving us for many many years to come xxx

On a bad day

Having a bad day? We can be having a bad day for many reason from heartbreaking life changing reasons or that the everyday things are just not going your way today
I have had many bad days but I always have survived them ALL or I wouldn't be here typing this.
Yes sometimes we are scared from our battles and yes it can feel like a fight, like a war for some people. I understand this to well
I don't think my little blog post is going to help anyone win that battle but I do want to say ' you are not alone'
Many people go through bad times, many people battle & odds are that some one out there has it worse then you. Yep I said it, your battle may be great or small but one thing is guaranteed SOMEONE out there has a much bigger battle going on.
That is just a fact of life and if you can tell yourself that on those bad day maybe that will help you get up dust yourself off and keep going. I know it helps me. If others is such bad battles of both physical & spiritual battles can dust themselves off I CAN.          I should!

You want an example just to get it into your head? Ok then here we go....
Your husband is an arsehole, never helping out, treats you like a servant & your kids are starting to treat you the same way. You agonies about what to do.
FLIP THE COIN
A wife is waiting at home for her husband to come back from work but instead the police come to the door to tell her he & the children have died in a car crash. she is alone.

See if that doesn't put things into prospective for you. I could go on but really it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work that out & many more examples in your head.
Now I am not saying do it yourself, Go get help. Ask a friend, a workmate or ring a helpline if you need too.
Get all the help that is out there, you deserve it.


But If all you need is to reset your way of thinking please reread my post ... imagine yourself walking on the beach on a nice sunny day ...
Are we the most extraordinary strong, brave, resilient humans
Every day in some way we
*Face rejection ... and refuse to be daunted.
*We Contemplate loneliness others overwhelmed lack of space and we join a group or support others  somehow because we can
*We are hurt and we cry ... but choose (mostly) to learn greater understanding and compassion from the experience.
*We fall apart, curse, scream and moan ... but we pick ourselves up and get on with life just the same.

We are amazing! Don't ever let anyone tell you you're not strong, clever and resourceful ... and if they do, don't believe them.
Hugs to all you beautiful ladies & men, no matter where you're at.
May something truly beautiful come your way today to remind you that life's a bitch ... but it's also a miracle xxx
If all else fails, enjoy my favourite beach 😊 stare at it and just BREATHE

Queensland Australia

is this my messy house?

So my house is a mess of course it is I have two children and two adults living in it every day.
And only one person who cleans it ME . I got cranky and had a tantrum yesterday because of the mess in the lounge room I had just cleaned hours before 😡
My house is small, old, unfashionable some would say middle class and you know what I love it.
We are not a family living in a designer home with beautiful magazine looking rooms.
We live in a small town, in a country street, lovely neighbours ,in a rental house, with a bedroom for each child, a cosy bedroom for us parents , some aged furnitune but I love my new lounge suite I got us for Christmas ,  large backyard with many pets so yes it's messy our lives are messy and I won't hide that by placing some magazine style photo on my blog .

Anyway back to my messy lounge room.
My husband just let me carry on and he understands that the mess stresses me out. But he is no help with keeping the house clean or making the kids clean up after themselves but you can't tell him that .
If you do he will just come back with a small list if things he has done to help out in the last couple of days ( some not even to do with in the house cleaning ) and then he will come up with the " it's not my mess it's the kids " Why do men seem to think that if it is not their own mess it's not their problem
Last time I check this was his family, he does not work full time we are equal in our house .
So please don't get me wrong. I do think that if one parent works full time or more then the other the house cleaning and up keep should be shared or given to the less working parent (housewives and housedads)
But that is not our case. We both have our own work which most the time ends up being equal that is a good balance we found works for our marriage. Just not maybe for my house lol
Now yes my husband has some different quirks because he has a high functioning form of Autism but I think this problem can be put down to a normal Husband problem right ladies?

So I have made a test, just a little experiment lets say- I did not touch / clean one part of my lounge room for 5 days. (counting from the day I cleaned it as part of my normal household duties.
I took photos, not at any stage of this weekday & weekend time did ANYONE of the adults or children in the say anything about it being like this................. would they just live in this mess if I wasn't here? scary (I may edit this once , if ever , someone talks about this to me but I am not going to say one word.




This is a space on my small lounge room floor

I made Pictionary

Yes I made a home-made version of Pictionary.

As I was typing, printing, laminating, cutting & sorting over 2 hours I had a lot of time to think.

Yes I was happy to do the work, it was for me, my husband & children to be able to spend some time together. Bonding time.

A mother is happy to put in the hard yards most the time because we love our family and we feel its our job. I seem to pick to do thing even when I know its more work even when I know there is an easier way I still choose to do it and that is the point I need to remember, as im sitting there cutting away........ I choose to do this no one made me.

 That step is a good one not to skip because when you go to play the game or go to show your family your hard work and they don't pay you the attention or give you the feedback you wanted you should remember You choose to do it .

This does not mean they should not be polite, thankful for your effort but sometimes our loved ones just don't GET IT .

We sit there all upset wondering why the hell we did this wonderful hard work for our family only to have them not reward you for it with kind words or a thank you. Yes its true we all need to be nicer sometimes thinking of others & the work that they do for us but we also should be responsible for our own happiness.

If you take something on, then you take on the responsibility right? that's what you tell your kids isn't it?

well what do you tell them when they do a good job or help someone, even try to help and it doesn't turn out well? You tell them its ok, they know they done well so that's what's important, that they are wonderful just for doing it, that is doesn't matter if people don't act gracious because you know you done good.

So why don't we as mothers take our own advice? why do we get upset when we don't get a thank you? Ok well apart from it feeling like it happens hundreds of times a day sometimes which I feel like many time each year depending what stage our children, marriage or work is in.

Yes us mum's run around caring for everyone & goodness knows we do deserve a thank you I'm NOT saying that.

We are under appreciated a lot by our families because 'mum will do it' thinking takes over their brains.

Ok my point is Make yourself happy every now & then. Don't do the hard yards burning yourself out.

Us women will just keep going and going because we are MUM'S.

Take care of yourself. Do something that you want to do.

Big or small it doesn't matter. Something to reward yourself for all the labour of love you do each and every day.

P.S  after I had make the cards for Pictionary, cleaned up the house, made lunch for kids & husband, finished typing this I went down the street brought myself a yummy coffee & parked for 10mins near the park enjoying. Now that's what I'm talking about lol