It's been a long week

After a long week with sports days, horse riding kindly provided by Riding Disabled, class  exscrison , an award at assembly and a  switch around of teachers I can tell you it wasn't easy. Parents of kids on the spectrum will understand how full on walk on egg shells my week has been. My little man had done well.
A couple of hours spent in the local gardens feeding ducks was just what he needed, no playing kids or footy games just older people walking around minding their own business 😊
Quiet time is a must in our sons life, he may think he doesn't need it or want it instead saying he wants to play the Xbox more but it's my job to care for my children ,to work out what they need and then work out how to provide it to them.
Then they will change and we have to do it all I really again just to keep us parents on our toes.

The good old trick of telling him I need to take photos of the trees for my collect is a Classic excuse to come here to the garden.
Where he has ran, walked, rolled and sat . The old dog is trying to keep up and I'm sipping my coffee. So I hope you find a way of getting out & enjoying some quiet this weekend x

I'll leave you the last piece of cake

Do you ever wonder if your partner knows about all the little things you do for them?
And yelling them out in the middle of a fight that strayed over his mother coming for dinner unannounced does not count .
As a mother I am very practiced at putting another human being first, it's something that comes over us when we first hold our new born babies .
We will always give them the best foood, drink, clothing we can and we will always give them the last clean towel or drink of juice. That's just the way motherhood is but is some form or another a wife is like this too.
We do things for our husband, we care for them too. And in some fairytale marriages we see looking for the outside in seem to work well as both partners care and serve the other .
Sometimes it's a bit more one sided .
Once I had this blog idea come to me I just couldn't stop seeing all the things I do for my husband.
Now I'm not saying I hate doing them, truth be told i kind of like caring for him sometimes but I now see how one sided it has become.
Do you leave the last can of drink in the fridge for him? Or maybe leave him the last couple of tomatos knowing he likes tomato sandwiches? I do.
When I have a shower and see there is the big fluffy towel and a smaller old one only left I leave the bigger fluffy one for him.
And when his been on the computer all night & has left the lid off his favourite drink bottle I close it.
If I am in the shops getting myself something for work lunch I make sure I look for something yummy to bring home to him too.
And of course the classic clothes on the floor situation, when even know he put that shirt on the floor he will want to wear it tomorrow so I the cleaning fairy comes along to wash , dry and fold it for him.
That cleaning fairy does all his clothes, dishes and house cleaning you know 😜
When planning what to cook for dinners all week at least half are foods he likes
And
Yes I leave him the last piece of cake too.
It's when this started spinning around in my head that i think it can get dangerous.
How do I feel about all that I do for him? And the question that comes to my mind after that is What does he do for me? The answers to these two questions can be happiness or sadness .

          Thanks for reading and I hope it finds you well. K

Camping fun

Camping we will go

So as a mum of two in her 30s I decided to jump into the world of camping.

Yep I asked online and done some reading but unless you had money to buy everything at once I was left with a 2nd hand tent & Kmart blow up mattresses .

Some people said to me online that all you need is to just relax and go with it some said plan everything & ask others for help. 

Well I relaxed and I planned  ..... it still didn't go to plan. 

I was the only one who stayed to sleep both nights.

My husband wasn't Intersted from the start so I took the bull by the horns so to speak and marched off on my own with two kids . 

Well we got there and realised I had forgotten the tent poles and pegs - husband to the rescue. 

Then we couldn't remember how to put up our 2nd hand tent we had only used once before so by the time it was dark we had got the tent up in time for me to collapse in it.

Then the teenager wanted to leave with her father because there was no internet & she missed her boyfriend. I was over her sulking by this time & let her drive away with her father to go home to a internet connection. The next night my son wasn't feel well with a cold so dad to recues again came & picked him up. The teenager stayed with me instead (I'm guessing after having a talking to by her father)

So two night camping with the kids ended up differently then the picture perfect tv add looking holiday I seen in my head last week.

This left me felling like I had fail. My ideal camping holiday was a half made tent with little food and a blow up mattress I had to blow up twice 

But my 7 year old surprisingly loved the idea. His sensory processing disorder was at peace here . He wondered around the camp site in the morning when it was just me & him, just taking in the peaceful bush. 

I was calm as I didn't have to worry about what people where thinking of me and my autistic son, why was he making those noises or why did he want to keep hitting that tree with that stick....

 We could just BE. I read some of a book for the first time in over a year .

The book by Constance Hall and one part spoke to me on page fifty ~ 

'Queens don't fail at anything,they learn lessons and they change their minds'

I realised I had been looking at this wrong . I havnt failed camping .

I had found out how to better do it next time. I had given my son some space and I in return  got some also.

I had learn we need to check everything before living and to buy a bigger esky and pack more food the list goes on .....
So yes I went camping.
I will do it again
and I may also change my mind :) 

Are you making an adult?

I am making an adult, are you? if you have a child from ages 13 onwards then yes you are.

I think sometimes with the whirl winded of work, schooling, sports, partners, hobbies we forget that these little people that are not babies or toddles anymore and not even kids anymore are going to be the next adults in our community.
We work so hard to keep them healthy when their babies, to bring them up right with manners and strong beliefs. We get them ready for school then we keep them in school. Its all one big long event isn't it.
So we could be forgiven if we take a breath and sit down for a while when they start doing things for themselves . When they start knowing what they want and are ready to go get it.
Yer sure we still make sure they have manners and good belief system but really we become the nagging voice in the background don't we mum & dad?

I was recently reminded about the different kinds of parents out there. Parents of teenagers I mean especially. You have the very relaxed, the very strict, the My kid woldnt do that ones, the ones who act more like teenagers then the children do & many more types I'm sure. I am the first one to hold my hand up and say I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm not saying I have it worked out. I like many parents has said those words " they have changed. their just not like they use to be i'm worried"
I only recently released what MY problem was.
Of course my teenager has changed. She is not a kid anymore but becoming an adult. How can I expect her to be the same.
She is not the same as she was when she was in kindy. She is not the same as when she was in year 5.
Why do we as parent start worrying when our teenagers change, instead just see it for what it is.
Most of the generally parenting problems you will have with teenagers all comes from a basic human response to their age - growing from child to adult - but being stuck in the middle of that change.
They want to push boundaries, they want to jump before looking because all they can think about is the place they want to land.... 
I am going to make one thing clear; some teenagers need help, the signs are very different and I mean not to say that your teenager is 'just fine' because if you think they need help go get it for them.
I want to type this blog from a place of an average family with no abuse, hardship, bullying , self esteem issues beyond the normal. ok. AND even that does not guarantee a teenager will not need professional help.
So anyway my point is that remember we are making adults, these teenagers that drive us nuts are going to be workers, parents, drivers, carers, club members even may be in a high place of responsibility one day.
I really didn't grow up until I was in my 20s so I know its a long journey and I don't expect my 14 year old to work every afternoon and go to school ,cook, clean and watch her brother every day like a grown up.
I understand she needs to have fun, relax and socialise because this is also the way she forms who she is but we as parents have to be there to hold up the boundaries because they can't. That part of their brain has not formed yet.
You can not let a young teenager online in this world free to rom the world wide web without limits.
You can not have them wonder around the street to do what ever they feel like doing .
There has to be a balance. Let them be who they think they want to be But also be there to rein them in when it looks like they need it  :)

About me

ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍᴇ : Why can these two words leave a grown adult looking into space in deep thought like they have been asked to solve the world's biggest problems? 
 

Have you ever had to fill out paperwork or a profile with this question in it? Have you been told that they don't want an answer that involves What you do for a living or how many children you have plus their ages. Now try to answer . Hmmmm 
So ᗯᕼO ᗩᖇE YOᑌ? 
If you ask a child this question most seem to jump right in with their name, age or school year, because that's what we as adults have made them learn BUT if you explain to them you want to know about them & what makes them Them you will get wonderful insight :) 
 You will get that one little boy likes pizza because it has lots of cheese which is his favourite food. And that he loves watching lego movies which he then imagines his toys coming to life and playing with him in his room later. It's simple things to him at the moment at a child's stage of life- and so it should be.
Where did we lose that? 
 We tell our children to be happy with who they are. Take the good parts with the bad parts of themselves & love themselves because we love them. As adults, as Parents we seem to not take our own pep talks. 
I am just recently learning about being ᗰE. 
And it's getting easier to answer this question.

                               äḅöüẗ ṃệ
I love nature & enjoy seeing new places.
I'm a caring person but can be guarded. 
I respect all living creatures & feel heartbreak when any animal even road kill comes along my path, as I know that animal has feelings. I've always wanted to grab a van & travel Australia as I feel I don't want to miss out on what was right at my back door before I'm to old. 
 There so what would you say.................?

I'll take the ordinary things dear Husband.😊

Are you the one at the park alone watching the kids play?
Or are you part of that couple i see, sitting there chatting watching their childern play at the swings?
I'm sitting on my own. Yes i have a husband but this is not 'his thing' , Don't get me wrong he is a great father & loves spending time with them. It's more fishing or 4WDing stuff that he likes to do.
And is good at talking the kids into doing those things instead of what they started to nag for like the riding bikes or going to the park ordinary stuff i call it. 🌳
I am the parent that does the ordinary things like playing on the swings, meeting for playdates, taking the remote control car for a run in the empty parking lot or like now sitting under a tree watching them ride their bikes around & around. 🚴🏻

Yes truth is, most the time I have to be guilted or dragged by the kids to do these Ordinary things but once out here I'm filled with gratitude ~ love~ happiness.❤
Seeing my children happy, growing up, doing ordinary things is wonderful and helps that they are a little worn out too. 
Getting out of the house, sitting here under this tree is so good for the soul.
Would I like my life partner to be here next to me Yes but I am ok being here on my own also. 
I have to be ok. 💞👶🏻
I'll take the ordinary things anyday dear husband. Anyday :)

I don't need a husband to fix that

So I've been out doing stuff around the yard.  Poisoning, cleaning the caked on crud from under my mower, re-potting water lilies.  All the while thinking about this theory of mine.  You don't have to agree, you don't have to comment, it's just my opinion.  Back in the old days man worked, woman stayed home and did housework, cared for children, sewed, cooked, whatever.  Man came home to cooked meal on the dinner table blah blah.  He did yard work on weekends etc etc.  Saved, bought a house with a picket fence and a brand new car. Now as times have changed we evolve and continue to evolve.  Men AND women work.  Houses are too expensive.  Kids are too expensive.  Everything's too expensive.  Everyone works and gets nowhere.  Suddenly families don't work anymore.  Men still work but they don't come home to home cooked meals anymore.  They come home to tired cranky wives and screaming children.  The men aren't happy the wives aren't happy the children aren't happy.  The wife asks the man 30 times to take out the garbage before getting fed up and doing it herself. He calls it nagging.  She realises that if she's going to do everything herself why does she need him? The marriage breaks up.  The woman takes everything (or so he says) including the kids. And she manages to do everything on her own and in fact she's still doing everything she was doing before but feels like one less kid to look after and nag.  Man feels un-needed, un-wanted. Woman feels liberated and swears to never rely on man again.  Very sad. And I don't really get why men like to feel needed.  Like you need them around to do stuff (even though when you ask them to do stuff they never do! Hence the nagging!) If I want a guy around its because I WANT him around not because I need him to do stuff for me.  I can do all my own stuff thank you (and thanks google for all the stuff I don't know how to do haha) But yeah I'm one of those independent chicks because well every time I've relied on some one they've let me down.  So I rely on myself, best decision ever. I don't wanna feel like I'm helpless and useless. I got me.  Not to say that if a guy wants to help I wouldn't let him.  He just better know that I won't beg his ass to stick around if things go sour. I'll just get on with things without him.
PS Before you scream feminist I don't really see myself as a feminist.  I am who I am because of what I have experienced.