Do you have a secret life? Do you have a part of your life that not many people know about?
Would your husband know, would the other mums at high school fundraiser know?
I think all of us want to have a secret life that goes along side of our normal life. Like being superman or maybe cat women
Even if not in reality we do in our daydreams.
Have'nt you sat there at traffic lights daydreaming about a holiday on your own or you drive past this young women carefree riding a bike past you and think about what your life would be like if you took her place? It's all the same thing isn't it? Day dreaming about a differant life or daydreaming about that man you seen yesturday & what your afternoon could be like with him.
Of yes we are going to go there, so if you are not up for a bit of sexy thinking or feel you cant handle weighing up the pros and cons about cheating on your partner maybe skip this blog post....
I know a couple of people who have either open marriages or have cheated on their partners. Everyone has a story and with that story comes many reasons why someone finds something in someone other then their partner (for this post husband)
I may not agree or understand some things these women do and i know I don't know what is going on in their marriages - relationship so why should i judge them?
Hearing about their lives and what i would call their stories is so interesting , it doesn't fill me with disgust or hate but understanding and sometimes sadness because it can be a dangerous game to play.
Game , wow did i just call cheating on your husband as a game ? Maybe that's not the right word but you hear it all the time don't you? Like tv shows and movies who make it seem so fun or thrilling but that is not always the case when peoples hearts are involved . When real people are involved.
Many say you can be married to the one you love but still find fun and thrill with someone you don't love.
Some also say you can love two people at once. What do you think? Maybe its safer to keep it all as a day dream
So would you know if the lady next to you that you have chatted with often is having an affair? Would she know if you where? One of the ladies i mentioned above lives a secret life, you wouldn't know by looking at her. It looks like she is happily marriages and is a happy confident woman. Which she will tell you she is & all became true once she found a man that made her feel wanted & happy, the thing is that man is not her husband.
Now i wish i could tell you his a horrible man who treats her like a dog but this is not the case. She will tell you he is a loving husband & great Father. Works hard while providing or his family. She loves him and they have a mostly normal marriage, the problem she will say is that it is too normal
And i get that. I understand that as i too have that feeling of a normal marriage sometimes umm only sometimes as my husband has Asperger so normal doesn't always stay for long.
Anyway so she has this normal marriage right, he works nights then comes home puts his clothes in the washing machine and goes to bed. Next she gets up gets the kids to school and goes to do some shopping or visit family. She cleans the house as her husband doesn't do any of that but what male really does? She works part time which she likes and where she became friends with a man .
For a women who has no male friends i do understand what she talks about when she tells us other women who will listen & not judge her, its different when you have a friend who is a man when you have been marriage so long in which all males around you are either gay or married to a friend.
Having a male as a friend can be wonderful I have heard and i am not saying you can not be friends with the opposite sex but for married women we don't get many single straight men wanting to be friends
Oh and this is not good example of that as these two became more the just friends. So hearing how he makes her feel, well it just takes my breath away & I feel a bit on the naughty side just hearing her talk about the affair that I can see how someone can get carried away down that path.
He makes her feel wanted that's what her first words were. Wanted. I guess every woman wants to be wanted. This is a a few words from her; Quotes by permission
` he listens to me like really hears what i am saying and we can talk, like real adults just talk together. Thats worth more then anything else we do together. Really if we had to stop all our physical connections sure i would miss that stuff but if we could still be friends and talk over a coffee that wouldnt be so bad. `.
`i can turn up to his place and he will greet me with a smile `how are you ?` a kiss on the lips a hand on the neck .Do you know how nice that feels? ` He wants to hear me talk, he wants to look up from his book and look me in the eye while I talk, why wouldnt I like that`
` when he ask if i want to spend time with him i know he really wants to, he really like seeing me and touching me. To have a man stop everything seek me out and plan something to do with me is wonderful`
`its not just sex because really i would be happy with kissing and hugging, the feeling of an arm around me is wonderful but i do know he wants the sex . At my age sex is not hot & heavy like the tv shows but it is enjoyable mostly because of the thrill the naughty passion that over takes your emotions that makes your skin shutter `
` i dont love this man and i dont like everything about him as im sure he doesn't like everything about me. He does not have to. We both have needs and we both talked about this which is another thing i get from this affair funny that isn't it? Even talking about the situation is a good thing which by the way we only done once to set some ground rules as we are both practical people `
`my marriage is good.It is normal with normal fights over money or him not helping out around the house and i do love him . And i am the first to admit yes what i am getting from another man is what i should be getting from my husband. Maybe after 20 years of marriage i have given up with thinking he will change or that we can change. Why not just go find it myself and then come home happy to my husband? I am a better wife and better woman when i am happy......... this is what makes me happy. For now anyway`
So do you hate this woman? Or do you understand her?
I understand her maybe because i want to feel better then her because i know i have those day dreams but have not acted on them or maybe because i want to act on them and live a secret life but dont have the balls to do it. Am I worried that any or all of the 3 hearts involved in this will get hurt , yes.
I keep thinking about what if my husband found out how much it would hurt him . I asked her this question and all she could say is that she try's not to think about it and she is doing the best she can with her life that she can at the moment.
And you know what maybe thats all any of us are doing, the best we can at the moment .