Monday, 20 June 2016

Having a child with autism is like ......

As I sit here watching my Younger  son wander around the house making his noises that seem to calm him down I started thinking of writing this blog post...
And why I should write this. See I find it hard to call myself a 'parent of a special needs child'
Why you ask? I don't really know why. It's not like I hide the fact he was diagnosed with autism over 2 years ago or that he has teachers aids helping him at school. I'll tell anyone that ask about my son and his autism but I feel that because he is classed as High Functioning & not the 'classic ' autism child pictured in media and the like ,  I think others will look at me thinking I'm a lair or I'm one of those mums who think their child is so hard done by. So yes I worry what others will think but not think of my son - think of me as a person - as a mum.
Strange isn't it.
It's hard for parents of children who look on the outside as 'normal' but are vey differant to the main peers of their class. You can't always understand what you can not see I also find.
I know (for now at least at his age) he is accepted by his peers & adults at the moment.
 But maybe I am worry if I will be understood and other mums will accept that my child takes differant parenting skills & needs then their child.

I know Raising a ' special needs ' child (let's use that wording for this blogs sake) can challage everything you use to think about parenting.See after D day ( the day you got the conformation of diagnoses ...) you have to start looking at your child as differant to other children And its scary.
 See your dreams and aspirations you had for your child might not be possible , the child you have might end up living a wonderful full life but it's going to take a lot of work. And even know you can see how wonderful your child is & are so truely blessed to have a health child you, Can be scared and sadden by the fact of life that things will be harder for them.
Leaving you unsure of their future...
You have this natural instincts to wrap them up and protect them from the world outside...
Like all parents do.
But it's the constant fight that you have to keep up, the endless battle you are end to make sure your child is getting the help they need, to make sure they are given every opportunity , keep teachers and support workers doing their job so you child doesn't fall through the cracks. It's being your child's
advocate and it's a fight you will always be fighting. No matter how sick you get of it.
You want your child to be like others, you want invites to parties, sleepovers , you want kids to want to be friends with your child and not see their differances as weird.
What you don't want is t be holding your child in a dark bedroom under his bed while he crystal because he doesn't want to be weird, because he wanted to go to blakes sleepover party but knew he would feel overwhelmed & uncomfortable. That brings us to the next thing that is thrown at you - teaching your child that having Autism is ok now that can be the heart breaker.
 Can tell you that one thing is for such, I know I am going to cry for my child many many times over the next few years as he goes into primary school.

Example is my son wanted to play football as all his peers where doing. His dad loves football & it's a real tough sport that boys are meant to be good at right? Well that's how it played out in my sons head but it was just not meant to be. He spent more times spinning around in circles at the back them playing. He didn't want anyone to touch him and wouldn't tackle anyone because he didn't want to touch anyone. So as you can guess it wasn't the right sport for him . Lucky we made sure he didn't feel like he had failed but it's hard for him .
Another one is going to the aquarium with friends. Rushing though half of the place because it was dark,flashing lights,lots of people , noisy ( it was set up to be like an under water cave show) so he didn't get to see the sea horses or the big crabs everyone was talking about that afternoon because he couldn't handle the overload on his sensors.
See what I mean, my heart breaks for him.

As I said I have only been a parent for just over 13 years and a special need parent for less so I am still learning , I will end up teaching my son to proud and happy with who he is that I am sure of.
I love him no matter what and I see so many wonderful things, gifts he has that I have not told you about today Next time I will because he is a special little boy 😁

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