Tuesday, 5 July 2016

Marriage between a aspie & NT

So an ASPIE  is short for a person with  Asperger's Syndrome  NT means Neurotypical person. 
My sons therapist of many years brought my husbands syndrome to our attention last year since then a lot of stuff makes sense and we are both still learning about Asperger or as some like to say being on the spectrum.

My husband has always had his strange ways, weirdness we use to say. Things he liked or didn't like for reason that only made sense to him. He is not good with strangers or meeting new people, going to events where he can't just hide in the crowd, eye contact , confronting people unless hiding behind a phone or computer. 
And many more things that make life a bit harder like buying clothes because he doesn't like things around his wrist or only wears pants that are elastic waisted no belts ... Trust me it goes on with food oh my goodness don't get me started on the weirdness of his eating habits - no noddles or rice , no brown foods , doesn't like certain brands of things & left with no other choice but to have these things the reaction can be like a 4 year olds tantrum 
But he has a big heart, wanting and willing to help someone in need because that is the right thing to do Not wanting any praise or stand out reward also getting upset when a simple thank you is not given ( it's not a simple world he lives in ) 
His not good with showing his feelings or affections. Therefore it's hard for him to understand people sometimes and read Body language . It's hard for him to understand that I might just want a cuddle or a minute holding my hand, or make me a coffee but I have been told that can be a normal mere male thing but with all that he manages to keep me in love with him. 
He has a hobby to do with birds but it is pass the point of a normal hobby as it takes over his whole life , it is his obsession and his life would fall apart without it. It effects me and our children like many of the things above do as you can imagine so life is not easy with an aspie. It can be heart breaking, lonely, confusing and frustrating.
You spend so much of your time and energy caring for your ASH ,running around making sure that all those weird things above are or are not effecting them it's easy to forget about yourself. That last sentence can sum up life with an aspie. 
I've also found that when I get to that stage its when our marriage starts to fall about. I need to look after myself (see my other blog post on SelfCare) and he starts to say I am the one losing it, that I am crazy. I am the moody or cranky one. You know what? His right . Because if I havnt been caring for myself and I'm not ready & bracing myself for his impact upon my life I can't handle it and all those reactions come out so he see crazy wife come out. 
The worse thing that could have happened was years ago one doctor said I was bipolar and no matter how healthy I am, no matter how many other doctors or councillors say I am not ASH always brings that back up as his defence .
It always gets me to bite back . So yer we have our fights but I'm still here , I still love him. 
Just some days I wonder why ❤️ Then later I just smile as I remember a funny holiday or thing from our past and I know I'm not home unless I'm with him x 

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