teenagers need this

I just had a few words with the leader of the church I use to go to, about the youth group they where running but cancelled - now have started it back up again.
I don't go to that church anymore. I love God and pray every day. I am the only believer in my house.
It is hard for me to go to church on my own, for me church can be lonely.
But I also do not think like a lot of the people in churches. call me a half arsed Christian maybe but I don't care.
I look past peoples faults, their sins, be it gay or worshiping a goddess I will still sit at a table with you & become your best friend. I will never ask you to believe in God. I will never try to get you into church. I hate how people in churches can become snobs. They can be so out of touch with the real world and I believe churches should be out there helping and reaching the community .... Though seeing what someone (or a church ) does & acts like towards others; people may be able to find the Lord themselves.
I told one of the people at the church that had this youth group on Friday nights I felt it was wrong months ago when they cancelled the fun Friday nights youth group into a quiet bible study dinner that it seemed like they had given up on the youth in town.
Of course theses younger non believers wouldn't go to a bible study , that's not cool.
I know of 4 girls aged 13-15 that wouldn't go and now have no connection to the Lord. And I was shrugged off with some reason of no numbers high enough to have it run every week and so it changed & for the last couple of months only a couple of already Christian youth went to a dinner once a week. while the other teenagers had nothing to do with any church- one lost her mother & is now smoking & lost , another is sneaking out her window to be with an older boy, another is sexting and you cant tell me these kids don't need Jesus.
Yes they have parents or family but obviously have hard lives where if they had church youth leaders to talk to- to see once a week - where they could be off the streets and into a safe environment surly that is a good thing , right?
Its not just that my daughter was one of the ones who missed out but that I see once again another church only caring for its own.
Only care for the faithful, the believer, the poor children overseas.
I was told by others when I posted in a church forum

 ' we had a youth group but it ended up just a drop off for some kids , they didn't really want to be there and started causing trouble '  Umm well ok their not youth workers I get that but just ask them to leave until they want to act by the rules of the church. I don't see a problem with that do you ?
one women posted this -   It sounds like the other kids were only interested in the fun. Not the God bit. You dont want to trick people into God by telling them its fun because ultimatelt thats not what Jesus or the bible say about a belief in God. A small group will disciple the kids who love God to then be able to talk to and invite their friends
 And you know what a lot in the church think like that. Why not just put all your effort into 1 or 2 kids that you know will be come believers, then get them to bring in others and invite their friends to become believers . You know what the problem with that is? teenagers are group, pack animals and I am guessing that those 1 or 2 kids are not in any groups like the girls I listed above. they properly pick on those 1 or 2 teenagers. so their not going to get to church by an invite. 
They will go to church for a free meal, something to do on a Friday night, the promise of games or a bus trip to get take away. 
Its not tricking them, its not lairing. Teenagers are not dumb . They know its a church they know they will be asked to pray before a meal. 
And they will hear the prayers, they will see the caring leaders look past their faults and  weirdness they feel when people talk openly about God Because they have never heard people talk about the Lord like that .
Because its a whole new world for some of them, and they just want a way of sneaking in. The church is not tricking them its giving them an opening .They will take it but they may not want the rest of their friends thinking they are becoming a nun lol


I am not saying that this church youth group didn't have a real reason for stopping the youth group nights. They may not have the money or the leaders willing to help out .
I have asked before if I could help out but because I am not a regularly church going I was pushed off nicely - see another snob move . Now you see why I write what I do?
The actions is what people see. Its what I see and its what the teenagers see.
Lets make sure they see churches caring about then even if they are not a believer.  

To my Dear Daughter

I’ll teach you to clean so one day you’ll see, how incredible the feeling of accomplishment can be.
I’ll teach you good eating so one day you’ll feel, how strength and good health can be found in a meal.
I’ll teach you moderation so one day you won’t, know the pain from eating a whole cake, please, just please don’t!
I’ll teach you kindness so one day you’ll find, how lovely it is to be reciprocated in kind.
I’ll teach you self-worth so one day you’ll stand, and lift up your chin, while holding out your hand.
I’ll teach you to relax, but not just laze around, the world is so wide – possibilities abound!
I’ll teach you courage so one day you’ll say, just because it is, doesn’t mean it should be that way.
I’ll teach you to love so one day you’ll hold, your husbands gaze warmly, and see your lives unfold.
I’ll teach you morals so one day you’ll inspire, a new world of lives and fill their hearts with great fire.
I’ll teach you respect so one day you’ll know, how people acknowledge you, and help you to grow.
I’ll teach you humility so one day you’ll watch, and recognize those the same, those you can trust.
I’ll wish that I could teach you everything in the world, from skydiving, to French, to discovering pearls.
But I know you’re all grown now, your wings taken flight, the last thing you want is for me to teach you tonight.

So I’ll teach you one more, just one last thing, it’s the love that I have for you - That will always make my heart sing. 😘

 

 

 

 

Tough couple of weeks

I have had a really tough couple of weeks with some personal challenges - having problems with my marriage which is not a new thing as I don't believe in fair tails but my husbands depression amough other issues has been hard on me, physical health wise, teenager needing guidance & some hard parenting which is left up to me alone, financial pressures and all sorts of other challenges that are too numerous to go into detail with.

I am learning some big lessons through it though , As a message like this was shared with me I want to share my message now with you

One of them is to lean in to God in prayer and trust. OK don't roll your eyes if this is the first time you have worked out I believe in God Jesus and all of the above. I have been guilty of underestimating the power of prayer and trust before.  And whether it be God , Goddess, mother earth, nothing therefore mediation this blog post can still have something in it for you so please still read ... My faith is mine not yours and I understand that. This is my opinion so open your mind & read ....
When you are put in a position where prayer becomes your only hope and trust requires physical sacrifice that hurts, you learn to see how powerful both these things are.

I have seen God bless us and provide for us over and over again. Giving what little I have and putting my trust in Him has led to abundant blessings. We are by no means rich but it's amazing how God has stepped in at the right time and provided- fueling that little seed of trust to grow even bigger and stronger. Its only me know prays in this house but some nights I am the one sound asleep while my husband still worries. Faith is what helps me sleep.

Secondly, I got a picture of a forest near a creek. In the forest were lots of trees, some standing tall and beautiful, with branches full of bright green foliage. Other trees did not stand as tall or as beautiful, some near the creek with twisty knotted trunks and very little foliage. A great storm came and swept many of the tall, beautiful trees to the ground. All their energy had gone into growing them tall and beautiful on the outside. They looked healthy and strong but when the storm came, they had no roots to hold them strong to the ground. The ugly, twisty trees near the creek weathered the storm because the energy had gone into building strong roots and character. On the outside they looked unfortunate but even though they were battered, they stood strong in the storm.

When we are going through tough times, when God is testing us and refining us, it can look like a curse and we pray for God to take it away. What I have learnt is that one day I will look back on this time and thank Him for the enormous blessing of these lessons, for the opportunity to grow roots in the clay soil that when the storm comes I will stand true and weather it.

He gives and he takes away. Naked I came into this world and naked I will go, though through learning these tough lessons and growing character, I am storing up treasure- the type one CAN take to heaven and bless others with. Blessing doesn't always look like good health, money or relationships. Sometimes blessing is in the promises of God.

Marriage between a aspie & NT

So an ASPIE  is short for a person with  Asperger's Syndrome  NT means Neurotypical person. 
My sons therapist of many years brought my husbands syndrome to our attention last year since then a lot of stuff makes sense and we are both still learning about Asperger or as some like to say being on the spectrum.

My husband has always had his strange ways, weirdness we use to say. Things he liked or didn't like for reason that only made sense to him. He is not good with strangers or meeting new people, going to events where he can't just hide in the crowd, eye contact , confronting people unless hiding behind a phone or computer. 
And many more things that make life a bit harder like buying clothes because he doesn't like things around his wrist or only wears pants that are elastic waisted no belts ... Trust me it goes on with food oh my goodness don't get me started on the weirdness of his eating habits - no noddles or rice , no brown foods , doesn't like certain brands of things & left with no other choice but to have these things the reaction can be like a 4 year olds tantrum 
But he has a big heart, wanting and willing to help someone in need because that is the right thing to do Not wanting any praise or stand out reward also getting upset when a simple thank you is not given ( it's not a simple world he lives in ) 
His not good with showing his feelings or affections. Therefore it's hard for him to understand people sometimes and read Body language . It's hard for him to understand that I might just want a cuddle or a minute holding my hand, or make me a coffee but I have been told that can be a normal mere male thing but with all that he manages to keep me in love with him. 
He has a hobby to do with birds but it is pass the point of a normal hobby as it takes over his whole life , it is his obsession and his life would fall apart without it. It effects me and our children like many of the things above do as you can imagine so life is not easy with an aspie. It can be heart breaking, lonely, confusing and frustrating.
You spend so much of your time and energy caring for your ASH ,running around making sure that all those weird things above are or are not effecting them it's easy to forget about yourself. That last sentence can sum up life with an aspie. 
I've also found that when I get to that stage its when our marriage starts to fall about. I need to look after myself (see my other blog post on SelfCare) and he starts to say I am the one losing it, that I am crazy. I am the moody or cranky one. You know what? His right . Because if I havnt been caring for myself and I'm not ready & bracing myself for his impact upon my life I can't handle it and all those reactions come out so he see crazy wife come out. 
The worse thing that could have happened was years ago one doctor said I was bipolar and no matter how healthy I am, no matter how many other doctors or councillors say I am not ASH always brings that back up as his defence .
It always gets me to bite back . So yer we have our fights but I'm still here , I still love him. 
Just some days I wonder why ❤️ Then later I just smile as I remember a funny holiday or thing from our past and I know I'm not home unless I'm with him x 

Why write an ABOUT ME ?

As I have said before I am just using this blog as a way of getting things out of my system, so I didn't see a point in writing an About Me post/page like all the other mum blogs.

To be honest I've never really understood why they were needed, I mean am a pretty guarded person in some ways when am online. I don't want total strangers knowing what my favourite takeaway place is or how many kids go to the local school. Even worse I dold want someone I do know writing about me about stuff I wouldn't normally chose to tell them at that stage of our relationship I guess.
Putting yourself whole self out there online for anyone to see scares me a little.
But then I read on a group post on facebook about how a women found it one of the hardest things to do. I thought about it for a while & it became a big thing ..... it wasn't just write your details it is writing about you. Not what you are like a mum or a wife but about the person, the single human form.
 A writing about what defines you.
Describe yourself.                    Now this have been a challenge but a good one I needed to do.
This has been sitting in my drafts for over 4 weeks. I add bits and I take away bit ; filling it in a little at a time. It has made me contemplate who I am

I am in my late 30s and I have had two children with my husband. Never knew I wanted children until  it happened now I wouldn't have it any other way.
I grew up with horses. I enjoyed riding the and I was very good at it. I am sad when I think about it as I gave that part of my life up many many years ago and I know it's just not possible o have that back.
I like traveling and really like to take my time getting to and from places. More county places , places with a history I enjoying learning about. 
I'd and not much of a reader but when I find things - topics I'm interested in I'm happy to research it and find out more. 
I believe everyone no matter rich, poor, a famous good person or a bush ranger should be remembered and have the respect paid to them once they are gone. 
With the exception of major criminals. Family history should be kept and taken care of for the future and we should never forget where we come from.
I am passionate about remembering the Man, women and animals who died the Wars to eep us here safe at home and we should be feeling blessed every day .
Family is family and should be kept in contact, respected and never forgotten. Family is worth the effort.
So yer that's me. I like colouring in because I can't draw lol  I enjoy singing when no one can hear me and the one hing I'd love to do would be to buy a camper van and travel Austrailia .

Having a child with autism is like ......

As I sit here watching my Younger  son wander around the house making his noises that seem to calm him down I started thinking of writing this blog post...
And why I should write this. See I find it hard to call myself a 'parent of a special needs child'
Why you ask? I don't really know why. It's not like I hide the fact he was diagnosed with autism over 2 years ago or that he has teachers aids helping him at school. I'll tell anyone that ask about my son and his autism but I feel that because he is classed as High Functioning & not the 'classic ' autism child pictured in media and the like ,  I think others will look at me thinking I'm a lair or I'm one of those mums who think their child is so hard done by. So yes I worry what others will think but not think of my son - think of me as a person - as a mum.
Strange isn't it.
It's hard for parents of children who look on the outside as 'normal' but are vey differant to the main peers of their class. You can't always understand what you can not see I also find.
I know (for now at least at his age) he is accepted by his peers & adults at the moment.
 But maybe I am worry if I will be understood and other mums will accept that my child takes differant parenting skills & needs then their child.

I know Raising a ' special needs ' child (let's use that wording for this blogs sake) can challage everything you use to think about parenting.See after D day ( the day you got the conformation of diagnoses ...) you have to start looking at your child as differant to other children And its scary.
 See your dreams and aspirations you had for your child might not be possible , the child you have might end up living a wonderful full life but it's going to take a lot of work. And even know you can see how wonderful your child is & are so truely blessed to have a health child you, Can be scared and sadden by the fact of life that things will be harder for them.
Leaving you unsure of their future...
You have this natural instincts to wrap them up and protect them from the world outside...
Like all parents do.
But it's the constant fight that you have to keep up, the endless battle you are end to make sure your child is getting the help they need, to make sure they are given every opportunity , keep teachers and support workers doing their job so you child doesn't fall through the cracks. It's being your child's
advocate and it's a fight you will always be fighting. No matter how sick you get of it.
You want your child to be like others, you want invites to parties, sleepovers , you want kids to want to be friends with your child and not see their differances as weird.
What you don't want is t be holding your child in a dark bedroom under his bed while he crystal because he doesn't want to be weird, because he wanted to go to blakes sleepover party but knew he would feel overwhelmed & uncomfortable. That brings us to the next thing that is thrown at you - teaching your child that having Autism is ok now that can be the heart breaker.
 Can tell you that one thing is for such, I know I am going to cry for my child many many times over the next few years as he goes into primary school.

Example is my son wanted to play football as all his peers where doing. His dad loves football & it's a real tough sport that boys are meant to be good at right? Well that's how it played out in my sons head but it was just not meant to be. He spent more times spinning around in circles at the back them playing. He didn't want anyone to touch him and wouldn't tackle anyone because he didn't want to touch anyone. So as you can guess it wasn't the right sport for him . Lucky we made sure he didn't feel like he had failed but it's hard for him .
Another one is going to the aquarium with friends. Rushing though half of the place because it was dark,flashing lights,lots of people , noisy ( it was set up to be like an under water cave show) so he didn't get to see the sea horses or the big crabs everyone was talking about that afternoon because he couldn't handle the overload on his sensors.
See what I mean, my heart breaks for him.


As I said I have only been a parent for just over 13 years and a special need parent for less so I am still learning , I will end up teaching my son to proud and happy with who he is that I am sure of.
I love him no matter what and I see so many wonderful things, gifts he has that I have not told you about today Next time I will because he is a special little boy 😁

Self care - taking care of you

Why do we feel guilty when we do something for ourselves? when we take time out, get something only we enjoy or stop doing things for others so we can do something for ourselves .
Mothers are really good at feeling bad for wanting or needing selfcare.

It's exhausting being a mother, wife, daughter in law, friend, carer and all the other Hats that we put on everyday.
Why do we think we have to keep going?
In my opinion there is two different kinds of women
1. You think our families world will fall apart if you take time to do something for ourselves therefore don't find time. The I AM TO BUSY FOR THAT  or WHERE WOULD I FIND THE TIME.
2. Feel guilty for even thinking of doing something for yourself because you see it as a privilege not a right.

Call it guilt or just not seeing it as important it comes down to the way you think about the whole SelfCare thing .

How do you see it?

Parenting --- Wifely duties --- Work ---- Chores ---- Friendships

Even the friendships we put on the work list so to speak.The things we should be doing.
So why don't we place selfcare onto our list?

We need to change the way we think, taking care of ourself is not an extra thing it is something we need to do.
So we can continue to do all the other things on our list.
So make a little rule in your head now; one thing a week I am going to do that I want to do.Selfcare.
Ideas:
Tell everyone in your family you are off dutie on Wednesday night between 7-8pm and go read a bed in bed with some candle & chocolate
Bubble bath
Get some head phones , find your fav music and spend some time walking on the treadmill
Go for a drive, get drive thru and park at a river watching the ducks swim around for a while
Go to the movies or an event you want to see
Pay for a massage or get your nails done
Go get your hair done
Get up on Saturday morning and head to the markets by yourself enjoy wondering where you want :)
 Go enjoy xxx